Archive for the ‘Space’ Category

Man, I just read the Mars Rover Opportunity’s last message to home and I have to admit I’m a little choked up right now. I mean, we send him 33.9-million miles from home for a 90-day mission in July of 2003, he arrives on Mars in January 2004, and he outlives his expected lifespan by a freakin’ decade and a half. Then, alone on a faraway planet, a giant goddamn dust storm swoops in last June and we haven’t heard from him since.

That alone is sad enough, but then we hear what our hero’s last message was and it’s almost too much to take, man. I’ll tell you what he said, but I need a second to gather myself.

OK, I think I’m ready. Here are little Opp’s last words, sent home as the storm approached:

“My battery is low and it’s getting very, very dark . . .”

 

Well, hell. Hold on, I have something in my eye again.

PS- NASA sent their last message to Opportunity today. Nuthin’. 

PPS- There was another Rover named Spirit that went up the same time as Opportunity, and he kicked the bucket back in 2011. Just didn’t have the heart of my boy Opp.

PPPS- It would have been really cool if the last message was something like, “Wooohooo! Go straight to hell Martian dust storm! I’m gone suckers! Peace out!”

PPPPS- How great would it be if we suddenly got another message after 7-months of silence? Those nerd scientists would wet themselves.*

*Me too.

Yep.

When you wish upon a star you’re actually a few million years late because that star is dead. In reality, you’re actually looking into the past because many of the stars we see have already died.

The Aliens Are Warning Us

Posted: September 12, 2018 in Humor, Mystery, Science, Space, The Unknown

The Sun: Artificial intelligence searching for alien life in the universe has discovered dozens of previously unknown radio bursts. The Breakthrough Listen program found 72 new fast radio bursts – mysterious space signals – coming from a galaxy 3-billion light years away. 

Scientists have named the source of these newly discovered signals, way outside the Milky Way galaxy, as “repeater” FRB 121102. FRBs are single, bright pulses of radio emission from extremely distant galaxies which last just milliseconds.

But FRB 121102 is the only one ever recorded to emit repeated bursts.

The source of FRBs are still a mystery and the nature of the object emitting them is still unknown. The theories range from highly magnetized neutron stars and super-massive black holes to signs of an advanced civilization.

Son of a bitch. Here we go again. More proof that aliens are out there, just shooting FRBs at us like you read about in all those Science Fiction books as a kid. And don’t tell me 3-billion light years is too far away to be a threat to Earth. Who knows what kind of spaceships those aliens possess? Hell, they may be so advanced they just snap their fingers (if they have any) and transport themselves wherever the hell they want like Captain Kirk and Spock. And these FRBs may be a warning, telling us the army of planet Nugoohoo will be arriving shortly to enslave us all and send Trump to Uranus. Terrifying really.

PS- Scientists continue to be the worst at naming stuff. FRB 121102? Really? Why not Hank or Sally or something? Scientists are not creative, man.

PPS- Seriously, if an alien civilization were that advanced don’t you think they’d just decipher our language and shoot us a text? Maybe create a Facebook account or something? Up your game, aliens.

Newsweek Online: According to scientists, the end of the world may come sooner than we thought due to colliding gravitational waves that would cause the Earth to be sucked into a black hole. 

Gravitational waves are invisible ripples in space which travel at the speed of light. The most powerful of these waves occur when objects move very quickly, for instance when two big stars orbit each other or two black holes orbit one another and merge. Such waves are often compared to the circular ripples which emerge when a stone is dropped in water. However, if a particle or object travels at the speed of light, flat gravitational waves can result. If such an event were to occur, and if the waves were big enough, the subsequent collision would create a black hole with a gravitational field that not even light would be able to escape from it. Literally everything would be sucked into it, including earth.

Well, hell. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Asteroids heading our way, Nazis everywhere, racism running rampant, conspiracy theorists running amok, an orange, nutcase tweeting president who’s inciting civil war if the upcoming elections don’t result in his favor, man it’s getting crazy all up in here. Now we have the possibility of a damn black hole sucking in everything from the Sun to the round (or flat, that’s another issue we’re dealing with) home we call Earth. And hey, we all know if the Earth goes you can kiss Uranus goodbye. That’s just science.

PS- The earth is going to be swallowed up and incinerated when the sun inevitably becomes a giant red star in 5-billion years anyway, so whatevs.

PPS- I’ve said this before but I have no idea how I’d act if they told us we had a week left. I’d like to think I’d go out with class and dignity, but there are a couple folks to whom I might pay a visit. Just sayin’.

PPPS- Uranus jokes never get old.

Once again the Simpson’s have predicted the future.

 

 

 

PARTY!!!

Astronomers estimate a mountain-sized 1,300-foot wide asteroid could hit our planet in 2032.

It was discovered moving through a nearby constellation and stargazing chiefs in Britain, Italy, Spain and Russia have added it to list of potentially dangerous asteroids. If it did hit, an impact could flatten a massive area of land and trigger earthquakes and tsunamis. It was spotted by Gennady Borisov from the Crimean Astrophysical Observatory in the Ukraine.

He warned: “The first observations show that it moves quickly and is relatively close.”

The asteroid has been named 2013 TV135, and if there is an impact, it could cause an explosion equivalent to 2,500 megatons of TNT – more than 50 times greater the biggest nuclear bomb ever detonated. Scientists say we really shouldn’t worry too much though. The chances of the asteroid actually striking the planet are 1 in 63,000, although scientists will reevaluate the chances of an impact in 2024.

Do these people think we’re idiots? Hey, we’ve all seen Armageddon. Nothing to worry about my ass. Nothing except a rock the size of a freakin’ mountain hitting the earth at 30,000 miles per hour with the energy of a 1-million megaton bomb that will flatten a massive area of land and trigger earthquakes and tsunamis. Happens all the time.

Fun Fact: If an asteroid the size of a house crashed on Earth at 30,000 mph. It would have an amount of energy roughly equal to the bomb that fell on Hiroshima. Woohoo!

And I can hear the news in 2024. “W-e-e-e-l-l-l-l, the odds are now down to 1 in 6,000. We’ll reevaluate in 2028.” Chills, man.

So yeah, everyone can relax here on the Big Blue Marble. We have 14-years left before we’re all obliterated by ol’ 2013 TV135.

PS- Thanks Gennady Borisov of the Crimean Astrophysical Observatory. I had no idea that asteroids “moved quickly.” That’s some deep science stuff right there.

PPS- Stargazing Chief is an awesome job title. Sounds way better than Nerd Scientist.

PPPS- Lame name, man. 2013 TV135? Really? I’d have named it something like Death Star 3000 or Butch or something. Maybe Maximus.

PPPPS- Imagine you knew the planet was going to be wiped out next Friday. Can you think of anyone you’d exact revenge upon before the end? Yeah, me too.