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Actually a bunch of mattresses were set up for an outdoor movie and they decided to make a run for it. Wild stuff.

As many of the local readers of my site know, I lost my mother on July 22nd. I haven’t written anything about it because frankly it was just too difficult. I’d already written several stories involving Mom, including A Right Cross With Love, Traveling Through History With Mom, The Greatest Teachers, and one I simply titled Mom. They all tell, in different ways, what my mother meant to me.

My sister Sara and I have been going through our mother’s house, trying to sort through everything. The other day we found a box containing notes that family members had written to Mom for her birthday a few years ago. My late sister Karen had asked that everyone in the family write notes to tell Mom what she meant to them. I went through them and found mine, and I think they are a pretty good reflection of my mother’s influence on me. Some are funny, some are sad, but together they paint a pretty accurate picture of what my mother meant to me.

Here they are, the notes I wrote to Mom . . .

  • Mom, you taught me to be independent. On my very first day of school in 1st grade I panicked on my way there with my sisters and I turned and ran back home. When I got there the door was locked. I’d just left so I knew you were in there. I knocked and knocked but there was no answer. After awhile I simply turned and went to school by myself. Only when I was older did I realize what you were doing – teaching me independence. Thank you Mom.
  • Mom, I have so many great memories of you as I grew up. I remember that you would let me lick the icing off the mixer after you made a cake. I loved those times.
  • Mom, you were my teacher in 4th grade. I thought I had it made! My Mom was my teacher! Woohoo! You paddled me the 4th week of school. And yes, I deserved it. I was pushing my boundaries and you were sending a message to not only me but the rest of the class. The message was received, Mom. Loud and clear.
  • Mom, I love our regular trips to Jerry’s for pizza. We’ve been doing it for over 20-years now and I cherish every moment.
  • Mom, you believe with all your heart that I can do literally anything I want in life and be the best at it. You always have. Thank you for loving me and for always, without fail, believing in me.
  • Mom, you are always, without fail, happy to see me. That means everything to me.
  • Mom, you are without a doubt the toughest person I’ve ever known. I guess growing up on a farm with two brothers will do that, right? I’m so lucky that you’re always on my side.
  • Mom, I became a teacher because of you. You impacted so many students in your career and I saw that. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to try and have an impact just like you did. If I have impacted students positively, you are the reason for it.
  • Mom, I love you because no matter how badly I’ve screwed up or how many stupid mistakes I’ve made in my life, you’ve always loved me and supported me unconditionally.
  • Mom, I know without a doubt that you’re the best person I’ve ever known.

Last summer my mother lost her oldest daughter and her husband of 70-years, yet throughout all the loss she stayed amazingly strong. Even recently, as the end neared, Mom remained the same kind, sweet, loving person she’d always been.

I passed by Mom’s bedroom window when I’d go into her house over the past several months. My sister Sara would too. When I did I’d always stop and look in at her, both on my way in and out. When I left I’d always do something dumb, like acting like I was on an elevator, walking down stairs, or just making a funny face or something. Mom would always laugh and laugh. I just wanted her to be happy in her last days, and I think she was.

When Mom finally passed she was in her home with her family, where she was comfortable and where she knew she was loved.

Quite simply Mom was the toughest, smartest, sweetest, most honest person you could ever hope to meet. Oh sure, if I messed up she’d let me know about it but I never, ever felt as if she was disappointed in me. Unconditional love like she gave to me was priceless, and I will miss it.

There won’t be anymore trips to Jerry’s, but the lessons my mother taught Sara and I will stay with us the rest of our lives.

Mom had some flowers she called Naked Ladies, some call them Resurrection Lilies or Surprise Lilies, that grew every year just outside her bedroom. Every year several would sprout up about this time of year. This year just one single Naked Lady popped up, and it’s beautiful. It’s almost as if Mom is letting us know she’s OK, and that Sara and I are going to be OK too. And although Sara and I are the only ones left and we both feel a tremendous void in our lives, we will be O.K. We have to be. We have to carry on and be strong, because you know what? That’s exactly what Mom would want us to do.

Norwegians are nuts, man.

Adorable. Possibly rabid, but adorable.

In photos that have never been seen before, a couple inadvertently caught the rarest leopard in the world on camera. The Strawberry Leopard was spotted on the Thaba Tholo Wilderness Reserve in South Africa by a motion triggered camera which was pinned to a tree. Gorgeous.

So occasionally I take Sparky to a local cemetery and let him run around a little, just to get some exercise and fresh air. Of course I pick up after him and to be safe I put his leash on if another person comes close to us with their own dog, but usually it’s just a relaxing time for him to smell the smells and hang out with me.

Usually.

The other day? Not so much.

You see, I parked in our usual spot, unleashed The Spark, and of course he leaped out if the car to do his thing. He sniffed around, going from tree to tombstone to crypt, tail wagging with that dog-smile on his face.

But then . . .

As I watched he stopped, stood still, his ears perked up, and off he went like a Jack out of Hell. He bolted over a slight rise and down the other side, snarling like a dog possessed.

I gave chase, calling for him to come back, but as I reached the top of the small hill I saw what Spark was heading for.

A burial.

In progress.

With people standing around solemnly listening to the preacher’s final words in honor of the deceased.

Oh good Lord.

I still have no idea what Spark was so upset about. All I know is that there I was, in a t-shirt, basketball shorts and sandals, sort of whisper-yelling for my dog to get the hell back to me as about 50-sets of grieving eyes stared at me.

Awkward.

All I could do was mumble a “I’m so sorry” several times as I scooped up my furry ball of terror and speed walked back over the hill to my car. Oh, and just before we disappeared Sparky gave one last yap at whatever the hell he was so upset about.

Me? I didn’t look back.

If heaven was a town it would be my town
On a summer day in 1985
And everything I wanted was out there waitin’
And everyone I loved was still alive . . .

I can’t tell you how fascinated I am by these photos I randomly came across on the worldwide interweb. These are real, folks. In one Abe’s hair is a complete mess, in the other he’s sporting a do that would be appropriate for 2019. Abraham Lincoln, man. Dude was ahead of his time.

Click and scroll for the insanity.

Very cool.

Capybaras are awesome creatures, man. Their calm and motherly nature attracts animals of all varieties to them, as is evidenced in the photos below. Some say they radiate peace, which is an amazing trait, but the truth is that in the wild Capybaras live in large groups so a female Capybaras take care of not only their own offspring but others as well. This helps them to be great mothers who will adopt just about any animal they encounter. In fact, animal rescue shelters will give young animals to a Capybara because they know it will do a great job of raising them. Capybaras, man. They’re cool.

So Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is dealing with the holdout of running back Zeke Elliott and the contract demands of Dak Prescott and Amari Cooper. Here’s what Jones said regarding his players:

Anyone care to interpret that for me?

 

Listen, I have a soft spot for the 80s. Why, you ask? Because I started teaching in 1984 and I swear to God everyone in my Junior High classes dressed like Molly Ringwald, Ferris Bueller or Cyndi Lauper. Big hair, spandex, leg warmers, ripped jeans (yes, they existed in the 80s), neon colors, mullets, side ponytails, cut-off sweatshirts, cool hats on the girls, sweat pants rolled up to the knees, skinny ties, they were all on exhibit in the hallowed halls of Greenfield Middle School. It was glorious, man.

With that in mind I came up with the ultimate 1980s trivia quiz, designed specifically for those students I personally taught.*

*I use the term “taught” loosely.

Let us begin. Answers will be revealed in due time, so chillax.

  1. What alternative band did the students of Greenfield Middle School learn about long before they hit it big in the early 90s?
  2. What was the name of Punky Brewster’s dog?
  3. What was the name of the oldest child on The Cosby Show?
  4. What was Jolt?
  5. What popular toy did E.T. use as part of his makeshift communicator to “phone home” with?
  6. Who starred in “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’d Dead”?
  7. What was the name of He-Man’s home planet?
  8. What was Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign all about?
  9. Who hosted Star Search?
  10. Name all five Breakfast Club characters.
  11. Who was Balki and where was he from?
  12. What was Jem?
  13. Name 5 singers who performed on the song “We Are the World”.
  14. Who was Teddy Ruxpin?
  15. What was Melmac?
  16. What kind of animal was Bubbles?
  17. What happened to a space shuttle called Challenger?
  18. What was the Noid?
  19. Who was Samantha’s crush in Sixteen Candles”?
  20. What was the name of the pirate ship the gang discovers in The Goonies?
  21. Who was the main villain in Thundercats?
  22. What singer made a video with a cartoon cat?
  23. What was the video game Oregon Trail all about?
  24. Who was Mac Tonight?
  25. Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was “cool but rude”?
  26. In which movie did a character wear a t-shirt that read “what are looking at dicknose”?
  27. What do you have to fight for your right to do?
  28. In what show was Alex P. Keaton the main character?
  29. What TV show was based in southern Florida and featured Crockett and Tubbs?
  30. Describe a scrunchie.
  31. ‘Where’s the beef?” was a slogan for what fast food chain?
  32. Who sang “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”?
  33. What was a Boom Box?
  34. Who said, “Follow my nose”?
  35. Who was John Hughes?
  36. What do the initials NKOTB stand for?
  37. Who was Martha Quinn?
  38. What was the green goop on Nickelodeon called?
  39. Who were “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock, B. A. Baracus, John “Hannibal” Smith and Templeton “Faceman” Peck?
  40. Neil Patrick Harris played genius who became a doctor at 16. What was his name?

So, how many do you think you got right?

Bonus 80s video! Fun fact: My guy Steve Forbert plays Cyndi’s boyfriend in this video. Awesome.

 

Depending on the time of day or time of year, there could be anywhere from 8,000 to 20,000 planes mid-flight at any given moment over the United States. In addition, an average of 2,789,971 passengers a day fly in and out of U.S. airports.

Doesn’t look a day under 350. Seriously, that’s her though.

So I read an article the other day about a female Greenland Shark that was discovered in the Arctic Ocean and is estimated to be around 400-years old. 400-years! That shark was cruising the seas the same time the Mayflower was heading to America! Mind blown, man. They said Greenland sharks don’t even reach maturity until they’re 150. The lifespan also has something to do with the fact the sharks live in the Arctic Ocean at depths of 2000 meters, so this helps slow their metabolism and in turn the aging process.

Wild stuff.

Anyway, this led me to give orders to my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied to research the life spans of various animals. After a night of exhaustive research in our underground headquarters, here’s what they found. Keep in mind these are the known record life spans of these animals and the average lifespans are shorter.

Mayfly 

1-day

Live every day like it’s your last, Mayfly. Because it is.

Dragonfly

20-days

Housefly

35-days

Color me skeptical. I swear I tried to kill the same fly for 6-months a couple summers ago. Dude was taunting me. Fortunately he got too close and Sparky took him down.

Guinea Pig

4-years

Seriously? 4-years? Man, we’re sure setting kids up for disappointment, aren’t we? Just when they’ve really started to love little Boo Bear he kicks the bucket. Sad really.

Mouse

5-years

Rat

7-years

Say what? I thoughts rats lived much longer than that. I’m a tad disappointed.

Hummingbird

12-years

Rabbit

14-years

Sparrow

23-years

Tiger

26-years

Lion

26-years

So lions and tigers have basically the same lifespan. Not shocked.

Dog

29-years

Please, please let Sparky break this record. Please. Seriously though. Please.

The Spark.

Ant

30-years

The ant has the longest lifespan of any insect. Way to go, ants.

Eagle

32-years

‘Murica!

Cat

32-years

This is Nutmeg, who passed away quietly surrounded by family and friends last year. Rest in peace Nutmeg.

Boa Constrictor

40-years

Spider

43-years

This spider was a lab spider. It’s name was #16, which is unimaginative as hell. Why not Webster or Aragog or Hank or something? Anywho, #16 was killed by a wasp and that’s just an awful way to go.

This is #16. Seriously.

Grizzly Bear

44-years

Hippo

61-years

The hippopotamus is the world’s deadliest large land mammal, killing an estimated 500-people per year in Africa. Yikes.

Chimpanzee

66-years

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken students to the zoo and watched them jump up and down in front of the chimps, acting like chimps. And the chimp is usually looking back at them like this . . .

Andean Condor

79-years

Alligator

80-years

His name is Muja and he is still alive in Latvia. He was brought there in 1937 from America. You go Muja.

Actually Muja.

Cockatoo

83-years

Anybody remember Baretta’s cockatoo, Fred? Nobody? Never mind.

American Lobster

100-years

Olm

102-years

Killer Whale

110-years

Her name was Granny and she is feared dead after disappearing from her pod awhile back. I’m going to need a minute here.

Macaw

114-years

Her name is Charlie. She lives in England and is known for imitating Churchill’s rants about the Nazis. Charlie is awesome.

Meet Charlie!

Human

122-years

Her name was Jeanne Calment and she lived in France. And get this – when Jeanne was 12-years old she met Vincent Van Gogh. Sweet.

Box Turtle

138-years

I painted my name on probably 50 Box Turtles when I was a kid. Just a small “Dave Shoemaker” above the tail on the shell. Sooo, theoretically many of them are still out there roaming the Southern Ohio woods.

PS- Out of curiosity I looked up how far Box Turtles roam in their lifetime. Turns out they stay within 200-yards of their homes. Dang, some of those turtles could still be near me as we speak.

Crocodile

140-years

This guy lived in Australia and was named Mr. Freshie. Cool.

Geoduck Clam

160-years

No comment.

Sea Urchin

200-years

Bowhead Whale

221-years

Koi Fish

226-years

Tortoises

250-years

Greenland Shark

400-years

See my remarks above.

Ocean Clam

507-years

I know. Sort of anti-climactic that this guy is almost the oldest, no? Dude looks like a  . . . sorry, I can’t go there.

 

Again, I got nuthin’ here.

Turritopsis Nutricula Jellyfish

Immortal. Yep, you read that right. Since it’s capable of cycling from a mature adult stage to an immature polyp stage and back again, there may be no natural limit to its life span. That’s nuts.

So there ya go, kids. That’s all my crack staff could come up with. Have a great day.

Loved this guy.

When I grew up could name every starter at every position on every major league baseball team, I kid you not. In 1971 you could have asked me who the 2nd baseman was for the Montreal Expos and I could have told you in an instant – Ron Hunt. I had several favorite players, including Oakland A’s pitcher Vida Blue who was 17-3 at the All-Star Break in ’71. Hey, he ended up 24-8 but still. I also loved the ’68 Detroit Tigers with 31-game winner Denny McClain. I could go on and on with names like Willy Mays, Ernie Banks, and Mickey Mantle. And oh, how I loved Cincinnati’s Big Red Machine, the greatest baseball team ever assembled. Pete Rose, Johnny Bench, Tony Perez, Joe Morgan, Dave Concepcion, George Foster, Cesar Geronimo and Ken Griffey, Sr. Those 8-players were referred to as “The Great 8” and included the all-time hit leader (Rose), three Hall of Fame players in Bench, Pérez and Morgan (and Rose should be in), six National League MVP selections, four National League home run leading seasons, three NL Batting Champions, twenty-five Gold Glove winning seasons, and sixty-three All-Star Game appearances. Those eight guys played together eighty-eight times during the 1975 and 1976 seasons and lost only nineteen games.

Incredible.

Man, I loved baseball. Loved everything about it. From early childhood I remember traveling to games at Crosley Field with my Dad and sometimes my Uncle Myrl and but always with a car or truckload of kids. I remember going down to the little fence that was separated the fans from the players (it was different back then) before the game when Pittsburgh Pirate Willie Stargell ambled over to talk to my cousin Kevin and I. He asked where we were from and generally just chatted us up. It was great and I was in awe. Once, when my cousin Mick cut his knee goofing around as we walked into the stadium we were directed to a room so somebody could take a look at it. It was the actual training room. I don’t know if Dad had connections or something but there we were, and there on the training table beside Mick was Pete Rose. As I stared he talked to us like we were old friends.

Great memories, man.

I also played baseball as a pitcher from a young age up through high school and was even offered a few small college scholarships. Nothing big, just some little like DePauw in Illinois, places like that. Bottom line, for years baseball and basketball were by far the two main sports in my life.

Oh, I still enjoy high school and little league games, but the majors? Not so much. Over time, my love for major league baseball faded away. Why, you ask? I think there are several reasons.

The Big Red Machine.

First of all, when I was a kid you could count on your team to have the same players for much of your life. Sure, there were trades but for the most part guys stayed on the same team. This is true for other sports as well, especially the NBA, and although I understand why it’s happening I do believe it’s harder to maintain loyalty when players are hopping around from team-to-team. Today’s kids have favorite players more than they have favorite teams. If your guy leaves you simply go with him.

In addition, players have become commodities to the point that they’re removed from games at the slightest hint of injury. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a line drive nick a pitcher in the shoulder, only to see him taken out as a “safety precaution.” Do I get it? I guess I do. Like I said, they’re commodities. I do realize the days of Pete Rose playing with broken bones and Bob Gibson throwing 28 complete games are gone forever.

Still, it’s hard for me to watch players getting a boo-boo and sitting out games.

Note: This isn’t an entirely new phenomenon. I remember when Pete Rose managed the Reds back in the late 80s and Eric Davis sat out a game because he’d slept funny on the plane and had a “sore neck.” I can imagine Charlie Hustle looking at him like he had a platypus on his head.

And what about the length of games? Good Lord man, in 1975 the average length of games was 149-minutes. In 2019 it was 188-minutes. That’s a 26.2% increase. There are several reasons, including TV delays and pitchers coming in to face just one batter, but the primary reason is the length of time between pitches. The total time for the inaction pitches in 1984 – the elapsed time between a pitcher releasing one pitch and his release of the next pitch – was 32-minutes and 47-seconds. The total time for inaction pitches in 2018 was 57-minutes and 41-seconds. In addition, in 1984 there were an average of 70-inaction pitches that were returned to the pitcher and thrown back to the plate within 15- seconds. In 2018 the average was 10. Amazing really.

Today’s pitchers lollygag around doing God knows what instead of throwing the ball. Do your damn job, man! And oh yeah, major league baseball needs a pitch clock. Badly.

Note 2: The pitchers aren’t the only ones to blame. The overall pace of the game is s-l-o-w. Everyone needs to pick it up.

Noted asshat Joe West.

Another reason I find it hard to watch games is the behavior of the umpires. Umps used to stay in the background and do their jobs professionally. If they were approached they maintained dignity and stayed above the fray, rarely interacting with a player or manager. Nowadays? Not so much. I’ve seen umpires stare down players, go charging towards managers, just generally behaving like they were the main attraction.

So umpires, just do your job like a pro. After all, it’s not about you. Nobody paid admission to watch you call balls and strikes, act like a clown or try to exert your dominance out there as if you’re the main attraction. You are not.

And how about the hitters and the way some of them armor up? Hell, Barry Bonds looked like a damn medieval knight out there. It took him 5-minutes to unstrap all the protective gear he wore to hit. Because of this he could crowd the plate and not fear an inside pitch. Cowardly, man.

Barry Bonds, pre and post roids.

And let me tell you about the days of yore, w-a-y back in time when I was a youngster. Back in those days the number 61 was magical, mystical, even awe-inspiring. Roger Maris had hit 61 home runs in 1961, breaking Babe Ruth’s record of 60 that was set in 1927, a span of 34-years. You know how many players have topped 61 since? Six. Bonds hit 73, Mark McGwire 70, Sammy Sosa 66, McGwire 65, and Sosa 64 and 63. All these home runs were hit in a span of 3-years, 1999-2001. Whether it was steroids, a juiced ball, smaller parks, or a combination of the three, something was amiss. Hence, the sacred records of baseball mean nothing anymore. Thanks cheaters!

Note 3: Babe hit his in a 154-game schedule, Maris in a 162-game schedule. This was quite a controversy at the time.

Like I said, back in the day I could name every starter on every team in major league baseball and most of my friends could too. Baseball was the game and was in fact called America’s Pastime. Sadly, those days are over. In today’s fast-paced society and instant gratification era, kids have shot the National Football League and the National Basketball Association right past Major League Baseball, dropping it to at least number three in America’s hearts. If you don’t believe me, count the number of baseball jerseys kids are wearing next time you go to a mall or a school. You’ll see a lot of football and basketball jerseys. Baseball, not so much.

I don’t know, it just seems that the times have passed the game by. One of the few major league players anyone would recognize walking down the street would be Bryce Harper, and that’s because of his hair. Quick, picture Mike Trout in your head. You can’t, can you?

Sad really.

PS- I swear I didn’t look this up. Off the top of my head, here are the World Series starters for the 1968 Detroit Tigers:

1st Base- Norm Cash

2nd Base- Dick McAuliffe

Shortstop- Mickey Stanley (moved in from the outfield for the Series for his bat, replacing Ray Oyler)

3rd Base- Don Wert

Left Field- Willie Horton

Center Field- Jim Northrup

Right Field- Al Kaline

Catcher- Bill Freehan

Notable pitchers were Denny McLain (31 wins), Mickey Lolich (World Series MVP) 

 

A gang leader in Brazil failed in a bid to escape jail disguised as his 19-year-old daughter.

Officials released photos showing Clauvino da Silva wearing a silicone mask, a long wig, glasses, jeans, and a pink T-shirt with donuts on it after being caught out. His escape attempt was thwarted when prison guards saw him acting nervously, the Associated Press reported.

In a video also released by Rio de Janeiro’s state secretary of prison administration, da Silva takes off the disguise and some of the clothes before saying his real name. The 42-year-old, also known as Baixinho, or “Shorty,” is serving a 73-year sentence for drug trafficking.

The plan was to just to walk out through the main door and leave his daughter in his cell.

Gotta give ol’ Shorty an A for effort I guess? Dude almost pulled it off except not really. It’s hard to slip out of the slammer looking like a mannequin though. And hey, how about those parenting skills? Little guy was planning on vamoosing and leaving his daughter in his cell. That’s hardcore. Father of the Year candidate for sure. Brazilian Drug Lords, man. Always pulling some sort of shenanigans.

PS- You know he thought the t-shirt with the donuts was just the thing to put his ensemble over the top.

UPDATE: Shorty is dead. He was found in his cell, the victim of an apparent suicide.

Adorable. Love the “prank your kids” selling point. Also, I’m questioning the “real spiders” promise on the packaging.

Forty-four tourists have been injured by a “tsunami” in a malfunctioning wave pool in China.

Videos of the incident published online show dozens of adults and children being smashed together after faulty equipment suddenly caused a giant wave to sweep through the attraction at Yulong Shuiyun Water Amusement Park in Lonmgjing.

Five people were still being treated in hospital on Tuesday for injuries such as fractured ribs, the South China Morning Post reported. 

Tsunami indeed. And the Yulong Shuiyun Water Amusement Park is aptly named, amirite? Water? Check. Amusement? Check. The only part they forgot was “horrifying” or perhaps “lethal.” That so-called wave went rogue and came crashing onto those poor folks like a ton of freakin’ bricks, man. And now that I think about it I don’t think this was caused by a malfunction. I’m guessing some minimum wage worker got fed up with the screaming brats and helicopter parents and decided to turn things up a notch or two. Or seven.

PS- Yes, China has minimum wage. It’s set by individual provinces. Boom. That sort of research by my crack staff is what separates this site from your ordinary average everyday run-of-the-mill website.

Check out this bird bouncing a golf ball off a cart path, man. Just having fun like you read about. I wish we all could be as happy as this bird bouncing a golf ball off a cart path. Animals, man.

PS- You fun haters that are telling me the bird thinks the ball is an egg and is trying to break it open can go straight to hell. That’s a bird having fun. End of story.

 

KelownaNow – A Vancouver Island resident is thanking heavy metal titans Metallica for her narrow miss with a cougar on Tuesday evening. Dee Gallant and her husky Murphy, were out for their usual evening stroll on a logging road just outside of Duncan, BC in the Cowichan Valley, when she said she felt “like something was watching” them. It wasn’t until the predator was creeping toward them that she realized what it was – a mountain lion.

Thinking quickly, Gallant took to her phone’s music library to try and find something that sounded the most human and most threatening, it was then that she landed on the track “Don’t Tread On Me” by Metallica. The minute the heavy metal music began, the mountain lion ran away.

Good thing Dee Gallant had another idea after that hissing sound she was making didn’t work, huh? Chick sounded like a kitty with a hairball or something. Anyway, good thing she didn’t play one of those hipster bands like Death Cab For Cutie, Foster The People or Bright Eyes. That cougar would’ve attacked, ripped her throat out, dismembered her and eaten her iPod without blinking an eye.

PS- What kind of a Husky just sits there quietly like that with a deadly predator stalking their owner? Sparky would have made the charge and gone to war for me without hesitation. 

PPS- The tune in question . . .

Newsweek- A man using a blowtorch to clear weeds in a mobile home community accidentally started a fire that forced dozens of residents to temporarily evacuate.

The blaze began Wednesday around 5:15pm in Green Oak Township, Michigan, about 50-miles from Detroit. According to Fire Chief Kevin Gentry, when firefighters arrived it had already spread to one trailer, and then another. In all three units were damaged.

Firefighters extinguished the flames in about about 20-minutes, but two propane tanks began leaking so severely the Livingston County Hazmat Team was called in.

Authorities are still investigating the incident and have not released any information about who was responsible.

So this guy’s weedeater was apparently broken down so he did what any Michigan Man would do – try to get rid of his weeds with a damn blowtorch, starting a fire that forced dozens of residents to evacuate. Michigan Men, huh? Always good for a few laughs, especially in late November.

PS- Seriously, they haven’t released a name yet but this sounds exactly like something Harbaugh would do, amirite? Haul out the ol’ blowtorch to trim the lawn and burn down three house trailers? 

PPS- 62-39.

PPPS-

 

So a guy was staying at the Mount Washington Resort in New Hampshire the other day and walked out of his room to go grab some breakfast. There, leaning against the railing, was a bear checking out the sunrise. Probably climbed up there to get a better view, ya know? Bears, man. Appreciating nature’s beauty.

PS- Also probably looking for some free chow or a random stray toddler.  

Hero.

DAVIDSON COUNTY, Tenn. (WKRN) — A dog suffered multiple snake bites Monday night in Davidson County while protecting his owner.

Haley McCormack was headed inside her home after work and said she didn’t see the copperhead snake that was lurking near her front porch. “As I pass the corner of my front porch, the snake is already recoiled back,” McCormack explained. “Arlo lunged out and actually grabbed it by its tail.”

Her pit bull, Arlo, proceeded to kill the copperhead snake before it could bite her. While trying to kill the snake, McCormack said Arlo suffered at least three bites to his face.

The dog was rushed to the emergency vet and doctors administered antivenom.

According to McCormack, doctors gave Arlo a positive prognosis. “He’s my hero. He didn’t hesitate to jump in and save me.”

Hell yes Arlo jumped in to save Haley McCormack. That’s what dogs do, jump in front of dangerous animals and save their owners. Arlo didn’t think twice about ripping a highly poisonous snake to shreds, even if it meant getting bitten in the process. A cat would have hightailed it out of there and eaten your corpse after you were dead. Dogs, man. We don’t deserve ’em.

PS- Somebody in Ross County has been driving around and calling the authorities on people who leave their dogs tied outside when it’s too hot.

PPS-

 

Sea Otters hold hands when they sleep so they won’t drift apart. Animals, man.