Archive for the ‘Fails’ Category

A gang leader in Brazil failed in a bid to escape jail disguised as his 19-year-old daughter.

Officials released photos showing Clauvino da Silva wearing a silicone mask, a long wig, glasses, jeans, and a pink T-shirt with donuts on it after being caught out. His escape attempt was thwarted when prison guards saw him acting nervously, the Associated Press reported.

In a video also released by Rio de Janeiro’s state secretary of prison administration, da Silva takes off the disguise and some of the clothes before saying his real name. The 42-year-old, also known as Baixinho, or “Shorty,” is serving a 73-year sentence for drug trafficking.

The plan was to just to walk out through the main door and leave his daughter in his cell.

Gotta give ol’ Shorty an A for effort I guess? Dude almost pulled it off except not really. It’s hard to slip out of the slammer looking like a mannequin though. And hey, how about those parenting skills? Little guy was planning on vamoosing and leaving his daughter in his cell. That’s hardcore. Father of the Year candidate for sure. Brazilian Drug Lords, man. Always pulling some sort of shenanigans.

PS- You know he thought the t-shirt with the donuts was just the thing to put his ensemble over the top.

UPDATE: Shorty is dead. He was found in his cell, the victim of an apparent suicide.

Forty-four tourists have been injured by a “tsunami” in a malfunctioning wave pool in China.

Videos of the incident published online show dozens of adults and children being smashed together after faulty equipment suddenly caused a giant wave to sweep through the attraction at Yulong Shuiyun Water Amusement Park in Lonmgjing.

Five people were still being treated in hospital on Tuesday for injuries such as fractured ribs, the South China Morning Post reported. 

Tsunami indeed. And the Yulong Shuiyun Water Amusement Park is aptly named, amirite? Water? Check. Amusement? Check. The only part they forgot was “horrifying” or perhaps “lethal.” That so-called wave went rogue and came crashing onto those poor folks like a ton of freakin’ bricks, man. And now that I think about it I don’t think this was caused by a malfunction. I’m guessing some minimum wage worker got fed up with the screaming brats and helicopter parents and decided to turn things up a notch or two. Or seven.

PS- Yes, China has minimum wage. It’s set by individual provinces. Boom. That sort of research by my crack staff is what separates this site from your ordinary average everyday run-of-the-mill website.

Newsweek- A man using a blowtorch to clear weeds in a mobile home community accidentally started a fire that forced dozens of residents to temporarily evacuate.

The blaze began Wednesday around 5:15pm in Green Oak Township, Michigan, about 50-miles from Detroit. According to Fire Chief Kevin Gentry, when firefighters arrived it had already spread to one trailer, and then another. In all three units were damaged.

Firefighters extinguished the flames in about about 20-minutes, but two propane tanks began leaking so severely the Livingston County Hazmat Team was called in.

Authorities are still investigating the incident and have not released any information about who was responsible.

So this guy’s weedeater was apparently broken down so he did what any Michigan Man would do – try to get rid of his weeds with a damn blowtorch, starting a fire that forced dozens of residents to evacuate. Michigan Men, huh? Always good for a few laughs, especially in late November.

PS- Seriously, they haven’t released a name yet but this sounds exactly like something Harbaugh would do, amirite? Haul out the ol’ blowtorch to trim the lawn and burn down three house trailers? 

PPS- 62-39.

PPPS-

 

Honest question. This dude has to pay, right? No way I’d sit there and witness this atrocity. Number one, keep your damn shoes on. Number two, keep your stinking feet off a screen somebody else will be using. You disgust me, foot swiping touch screen guy.

PS- He’s not handicapped, at least physically. Mentally? Obviously.

I would have let her go ahead and ride with the luggage.

So following the USA’s World Cup win in soccer Bleacher Report sent out this tweet with the caption “One Nation, One Team.” The weird tweet was a graphic that featured, among others, Taylor Swift, Will Ferrell, Maverick from Top Gun, Oprah, the cast of Friends and Modern Family, Zac Efron, Michael Scott from The Office, Brad Pitt, Lebron and Kobe, Ellen, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian, and freakin’ Iron Man.

So my question is this – WHAT THE HELL? Was this supposed to represent a cross section of America or something? Celebrating our diversity? Isn’t Matthew Perry Canadian? And Iron Man? What am I missing?

[UPDATE]- Others must have been confused as well. Bleacher Report deleted the tweet.

Click to enlarge.

Everyone knows how I feel about this crap. At graduation don’t act like a fool, don’t make it about you, don’t let your family whoop and holler and act like you’re the first member of the family to get a diploma, just behave with dignity and respect. It’s not that hard. Still, we get jackasses like this guy. Hopefully he’s dead or at least paralyzed. That would be super.

So people will do pretty much anything to get likes on Instagram. Why, I have no idea, but they continue to hang off cliffs, stand on top of cell phone towers, and take selfies with pit vipers. Would I enjoy seeing about one of these nitwits plunging to their deaths? I would not. Would I enjoy reading about it? I probably would. Fun fact: Between 2011 and 2017, 259 people died taking selfies. Drowning is the leading cause of selfie deaths, usually involving people being washed away by waves on beaches or falling out of a boat. The second-leading cause is listed as “transport”, which means people killed, for example, while trying to snap a quick pic in front of a moving train or standing on a moving car. Tied for third are selfie deaths involving falls from high places, as you can see some examples of below. Eight people died while taking selfies with dangerous animals. Unsurprisingly, the US led in the number of selfie deaths involving a firearm – people accidentally shooting themselves while posing with guns. ‘Murica!

Here are some examples of how incredibly dumb people can be.

Dumb.

Nothing needs to be added here.

Not today, dumbass.

Hollywood- Rapper Rich the Kid is OK after being attacked in an armed robbery in West Hollywood.

A representative for the 26-year-old rapper, born Dimitri Roger, told USA TODAY that “Rich is OK” following the attack outside of the esteemed Westlake Recording Studios. 

In a statement, Deputy Trina Schrader said three suspects, who she described as black males, assaulted and robbed three victims of their jewelry and money in an alley. TMZ reports that the victims included Roger and two members from his entourage.

Wow, tough day for Rich the Kid, huh? Of course when you name yourself “Rich” you’re sort of putting a target on your back I guess. Oh, and I guess it could’ve been the photo he posted outside the studio a couple hours before the robbery:

Yeah, it was definitely the photo he posted outside the studio a couple hours before the robbery.

Check out Alexander Goldinsky, man. Just screwing up Insurance Fraud like you read about. Listen, if you’re going to commit to a crime you have to be all in. You can’t half-ass it like Alexander Goldinsky. That’s Insurance Fraud 101 really. Simply lying down like you’re taking a nap won’t cut it in the Insurance Fraud game, and it’s embarrassing to any self-respecting Insurance Frauders out there.

PS- From this day hence it will be said of anyone who screws up an Insurance Fraud scam that they “pulled a Goldinsky.”

A Taiwanese woman known as the “Bikini Climber,” has tragically died after freezing to death following a fall. GiGi Wu, 36, was embarking on a 25-day hike when she stumbled 65-feet down a ravine in Central Taiwan’s Yushan Mountain, Taiwan News reported. Due to the impact of the fall, Wu sustained injuries to her leg and was unable to move, the outlet reported. Despite her many calls for help, emergency responders were not able to immediately reach her as weather conditions were extremely dangerous. Nearly 28-hours later, Wu was airlifted out but was pronounced dead, officials said, according to local site Liberty News.

Listen, I don’t want anyone to die. That said, some people are begging for it, you know? I mean, climbing mountains while wearing a bikini and then freezing to death has to be the most predictable thing ever, right? Sort of like taking selfies on building ledges and then dying by falling from a great height, that sort of thing. Reminds me of the guy who tried to take a selfie with a crocodile and got eaten. People, man. They’ll apparently do anything for attention, including killing themselves.

 

 

Well played, Kilroy’s. Well played indeed.

Ouch.

Good. God.

Enjoy.

I actually attempted two websites before this one and neither really caught on. The first was called Rock Hard Times and was all about music. The second was called The Inside Handshake and stuck exclusively to sports. Then one day it hit me – why limit myself to one subject? Hell, I have opinions and observations on other stuff as well. Why not open it up to everything? Music, sports, politics, science, entertainment, nature, the list was endless. Thus was born Shoe: Untied, a play on my name along with the idea of sort of letting loose (actually a friend of mine came up with the title and I liked it). Anyway, as you know the site turned out to be a pretty eclectic one, and that’s the way my crack staff and I like it.

One thing I discovered early is that you can never, ever predict what people will like. Sometimes I write something I think is great and get very little response. Other times I write something that I feel is sort of trivial and it just blows up (see drunk pig blog below). Like the title says, it defies explanation.

With that said, here is our annual year-end report and Top 25 Most Popular Blogs for 2018. We’ll start with #1 and work our way down. Just click on the title if you want to take a gander.

Australian Pig Steals 18-Beers From Campers, Gets Drunk, Fights Cow

Yes ladies and gentlemen, a short little article I posted along with my observations back in 2014 got over 500,000 views this past year. For you non-mathematicians, that’s over half a million people. Seriously man, it was about a drunk pig. See, a radio station out in Seattle happened upon my site, liked the post, and put a link to that story on its website. Then the Aussies got hold of it and the rest is history.

UPDATE: Drunk Australian Pig That Started Fight With Cow Killed In Car Accident

Aaaand of course the throngs of people who loved the drunken swine story were interested in the tragic update. On a related note, Australians and I have the same exact sense of humor.

My Side of the Story

Nearly 400,000 people from all over the world heard my side of the story, and I’m glad they did.

Sis

I thought losing a basketball job was a tragic experience. I soon learned that, on life’s grand scale, it wasn’t.

My Dad and I

My memories of my father, who we lost just 53-days after my sister.

“Things Most White People Say” List Is Hilarious, Also 100% Correct

Basically just a repost of some funny tweets I’d run across. Good stuff and people liked it.

Incredible Photo of the Day: Gator Catch!

This was another post that the Australians inexplicably enjoyed. A large percentage of its views came from the Land Down Under.

So How Many People Did The Rifleman Actually Kill?

I love the old TV show The Rifleman, so one day I decided to research just how many people Lucas McCain actually killed. The answer? 120. Ol’ Luke murdered 120 people. But hey, they all deserved it so it’s cool.

Scioto Valley Conference Boys Basketball Preview & Predictions

A preview I wrote regarding our local basketball conference. I must say it’s turning out the way I predicted. So far.

The 2017 Ugly Dog Contest Was An Absolute Joke

My critique of the Ugly Dog Contest and its beautiful winner, Martha.

Cool Beans! Words and Phrases That Need To Make A Comeback

Another story I published a couple years that seems to never go away. Just a simple blog about words.

An American Hero: Ruby Bridges

My story about Ruby Bridges, the little 6-year old African-American who integrated an all-white elementary school in New Orleans on November 14, 1960.

Map of the Day: World Rat Distribution

The most fascinating aspect of this map is that Alberta, Canada is rat free, and it’s not by accident.

Regarding Beach Midgets

Just an offbeat, original little story that people seemed to find hilarious.

15 Reasons I Hate LeBron James (Or Used To)

I wrote this after LeBron left Cleveland with his ridiculous television show, “The Decision”. I really did hate the guy for a few years, but he won me back with his letter admitting he’d made a mistake with the way he left, then returning to Cleveland and ultimately bringing them a championship.

Celebrity Mugshots: My Top 10

Another old post that saw a resurgence of sorts in 2018. I’ve no idea why.

Meet Australian Cow Knickers, the Biggest Damn Cow You’ll Ever See

Again, Australians, man.

If You Haven’t heard of August Landmesser It’s a Damn Shame

I’m truly glad people liked this one, and I’m glad I got to spread the word about August Landmesser.

Paint Valley Basketball Records

This is a page I maintain that’s linked to Shoe: Untied. It gets a lot of hits.

Brad Kerns and Parenting the Way It Should Be

A telling story about one of my basketball parents and also one of the best friends I ever had.

The Many Worlds Theory is Wildly Fascinating

A pretty good example of what an eclectic website Shoe: Untied really is.

Map of the Day: USA IQ Test Scores by State

I had a lot I wanted to say here politically bit I couldn’t pull the trigger.

Man Killed Trying to Bring Christianity to Remote Island Tribe

A recent story that was quite controversial. Seems not everyone agreed with my views.

Another Drunk Animal Causes Havoc, and This Time It’s a Sozzled Squirrel.

Who knew drunk animal stories would be so wildly popular? Not I.

Don’t Think Animals Are Scary Smart? Read On.

There’s a certain segment of people who visit my site that can’t get enough of the animal stuff. They just eat it up. Animals, man.

So there ya go. All in all it was the biggest year ever for Shoe: Untied, and I thank the people who visit because you’re obviously as nuts as I am.

Happy New Year everyone.

 

So a damn thief stole a package off someone’s porch, and it turns out he picked the wrong house. This is because the someone was an engineer that happens to work for NASA and rigged the box in an epic manner. Dude put a glitter bomb and fart spray in that sucker, set to go off upon opening. Oh, and he had a hidden camera installed as well, so we can see the madness in all its glory. Trust me, it’s worth a look.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Just an awful blow to the head. Hope he’s OK.

Sigh . . .

Local radio stations across the country have officially started to air their Christmas playlists as the holiday quickly approaches. But when it comes to Cleveland’s Star 102’s festive lineup, one classic won’t be heard.

“Baby It’s Cold Outside” may have been a fan favorite in the past. However, after one listener called in to flag the song’s lyrics, the station’s emcees realized that there may not be a place for the “manipulative” connotations of the song in 2018.

Written in 1944, the song’s lyrics detail an interaction between a man and woman, when the woman expresses her desire to leave his house, and he lures her to stay:

“My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (Put some records on while I pour).”

“We used to play the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” but the executives told us it’s no longer appropriate,” employee Glenn Anderson wrote on the station’s site.

Aaaand so it begins. First “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, and next they’ll come after “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” because it’s about adultery (yes, I know Santa was actually the father but you get the point). Seriously, I understand the Me Too Movement and its importance. I realize certain attitudes need changing, but isn’t this going a little too far? We’re talking about a Christmas song from another time. It was written in 1944 after all, and music reflects the time in which it was written. And have any of these people listened to rap lyrics? Hell, John Lennon sang about killing his girlfriend if she left him in 1964. Don’t believe me? Check it:

Well, I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won’t know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand, little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl.

But hey, Lennon never killed anyone as far as we know. But this is not a new story where music is concerned. Remember back in the 80s when some kid committed suicide and his parents blamed an Ozzy Osborne song? You know, because it had nothing to do with the fact they were inattentive, lousy parents. Yeesh.

Anyway, lighten up people. It’s a song.

PS- Anyone under 25 won’t be listening to this song or give a damn anyway.

 

See what I did there?

Washington Post: A Texas mother is calling out a Southwest Airlines employee who she said mocked her 5-year-old daughter’s name and then posted a picture of the small child’s boarding pass on social media.
Traci Redford told ABC affiliate KABC her daughter’s name is Abcde, which is pronounced “ab-si-dee.”

Redford said the incident occurred when she and her daughter were preparing to board a flight from Santa Ana, Calif., home to El Paso, Tex. Redford told the station that a gate agent at California’s John Wayne Airport saw Abcde’s name and started pointing, laughing and talking to other employees about Redford and her child.

Southwest Airlines has since apologized, saying that the social media post is “not indicative of the care, respect, and civility” that the airline requires from its employees.

Here’s the deal. If you name your kid Abcde you should not only expect her to be mocked, you should expect her to be belittled, razzed, teased, disparaged, scorned, roasted, bad-mouthed and pooh-poohed. What are you going to name your next kid, Fghijk? Then Lmnopq? The mind reels, man.

PS- Seriously, why do people try so hard to come up with unique names for their kids? Every time little Blayde or Hayzil or Aliviyah gives someone their name at a bank or hotel they’re going to have to spell it out for the rest of their lives. Little Max, Sam or Hank? Not so much. Time saved, baby.

PPS- Turns out Abcde is not that unique. A little Googling reveals that an Abcde Zoller plays soccer for the University of Hawaii at Hilo, and an Abcde de Coito teaches Zumba classes in the Aloha state. The site NameCandy also suggests the name may also be relatively common in New Mexico and among Latino families. Huh. Who knew?