Archive for the ‘Men and Women’ Category

The eyes. You can always see it in the eyes.

Sometimes the headlines just write themselves, ya know? Anyway . . .

Jacqueline Ades, a woman accused of sending a man she went out on a date with once and then sending him more than 159,000 text messages and breaking into his home doesn’t understand why she’s in jail. She also wants to go to trial b,ecause she believes that a jury will not only find her not guilty, they will insist that she marry the man she stalked.

In a recent phone interview with The Arizona Republic, Ades expressed disbelief that she’s been incarcerated since May 2018 after authorities charged her with sending thousands of text messages, many of them very disturbing, over the course of 10-months, ending with her arrest in the man’s home as she was taking a bath.

Ades, who was deemed mentally incompetent at a Rule 11 hearing in March, amazingly, could have actually been released from jail several months ago, according to her attorney Matthew Leathers, if she had just accepted a plea deal which included time served, 10-years probation, and being barred from contacting the victim. However, Ades told The Republic she refused to take the deal because she didn’t believe it was real. She thought it might be the victim’s way of testing her resolve, she said.

Ades said she wants to go to trial, where she’s positive the jury will not only find her not guilty, but will order her and the man she’s accused of stalking to marry her.

Listen, I’ve seen a stalker or two in my day but this lady takes the cake. 159,000 text messages? I did the math and you’d have send 500 texts a day for 318 days to get to 159,000. That’s a whole other level of cray right there, man. And what’s the deal with people breaking into a house and taking a bath? I’ve read about this phenomenon several times. Seems odd. Then again, anyone who would text somebody 159,000 times after one date goes by their own set of rules I guess. And how about the poor schmuck who went out with her? Dude meets a woman on a dating site, takes her out for a nice dinner and the next thing you know he has a full blown screwball on his hands. Anywho, Jacqueline Ades? Batshit crazy.

PS- I listed some examples of the times I’ve been stalked, harassed, or otherwise threatened with bodily harm in this post. Such is the life of a world famous blogger.

My 25 Most Controversial Blogs

Good stuff.

The Cut- Things appear to be heating up for Saturday Night Live comedian Pete Davidson and actress Kate Beckinsale — as in, it might be time to bestow upon them their celebrity couple name. (Does Beckinson work? Sure.)

On Thursday evening, a Cut staffer spotted Kate Beckinsale dining at West Village restaurant Waverly Inn with her arm over the shoulder of someone she initially struggled to identify. She says she thought, “Who’s that goofy assistant-looking dude with Kate Beckinsale?” before realizing that the mystery man was in fact Davidson.

Although neither member of Beckinson have explicitly commented on their relationship, they’ve made very little attempt to conceal whatever it is that’s going on between them. Since they were first seen “being very flirty together” at a Golden Globes after-party, a source told “Page Six,” the pair was spent time together at one of Davidson’s stand-up sets in Los Angeles in early February, where they were photographed holding hands as they left the club. Then, photos were published of the pair kissing intently at a hockey game. Yep, it is ON.

Oh, for the love of God. Kate, Kate, Kate. Honey, you’re supposed to be looking for someone 20-years older, not in the other direction. Have you not read my website? I’m seriously crushed over here. And what the hell’s up with Pete Davidson, man? Dude looks like a train hoppin’ hobo yet he dates women like Ariana Grande and now my girl Kate. Mind blowing really. Woman, man. The eternal mystery.

Ouch.

Interesting.

Things sure have changed in 60-years. Sports, cars, education, fashion, TV, music, everything is so different. And the dynamics between men and women? Oh boy. And there is no better example of this than an article that was published in a 1958 McCall’s entitled “129 Ways to Find a Husband”. Trust me, looking back it’s laugh-out-loud funny. I’ll post the whole list below, but first let’s take a look at some highlights lowlights.

#2. Have your car break down in strategic places. Because being helpless and needing rescued by a big strong man was sexy I guess? Women? Thoughts?

#6. Read the obituaries to find eligible widowers. Boom! Look for dead wives and go in for the kill on their husbands! That’s solid advice right there.

#9. Sit on a park bench and feed the pigeons. I have been to parks. I have seen ladies feeding the pigeons. They are homeless vagabonds. Thanks though.

#11. Get a job in a medical, dental or law school. Don’t actually go there, because that was a ridiculous idea in 1958. But you know, get a job as a secretary or something so you can meet a guy that’s actually capable of being a doctor, dentist or attorney.

#19. Get lost at football games. Wait. What? Like under the bleachers? How do you get lost at a football game?

#26. Don’t room with a girl who is a sad sack and let her pull you down to her level. Absolutely, ladies. Nobody likes a sad sack, whatever that is.

PS- I looked it up. Sad Sack: an inept, blundering person. Well, hell. Turns out they’re right. Whatever you do, ladies, don’t room with sad sacks.

#29. When traveling, stay at small hotels where it is easier to meet strangers. Boom again! Also a great way to meet murderers, rapists and other assorted ne’er do wells.

PS- I just now realized that “ne’re do well” is short for “never do well.” Huh. Live and learn I guess?

#31. Stumble when you walk into a room that he’s in. So apparently guys in 1958 were attracted to uncoordinated klutzes?

PS-  I actually had to search up how to spell the plural of klutz on the Goggle. That’s blogging integrity right there.

#33. Carry a hatbox. Wait. What? Why? Huh?

#35. Make a lot of money. Hey McCall’s, newsflash – this is a good way for anyone to find a partner, whether male or female. Thanks for the deep insight though.

#40. Stand in a corner and cry softly. I swear to God I’m not making this list up, man. Those are actual screenshots below. On a related note, standing in a corner and crying softly is how my relationships usually end, and I’m the one crying softly in the corner.

#42. If you’re at a resort have the bellboy page you. I promise you I have no idea what that means.

#45. Laugh at his jokes. Hells to the yah. They finally got one right.

#55. Take good care of your health. Men don’t like girls who are ill. They’re dead on here. Nothing more unattractive than a diseased-infested woman, am I right McCall’s?

#58. Get a sunburn. Once again they’ve lost me. A nice tan I understand, but a sunburn? Whah?

#60. Go on a diet if you need to. Solid advice. In addition, the sick women will have a head start on this one.

#62. Don’t tell him about your allergies. Listen, if you can’t be ill you certainly can’t have allergies. And no respectable man wants a sneezing, itchy-eyed, runny-nosed, congested woman hanging around. Keep your allergies to yourself, ladies.

#85. Don’t tell him everything about you at the start. I’m down with this. Might wanna explain that Explosive Diarrhea problem at a later date.

#94. Don’t discuss your former boyfriends. Honestly, I think they got this one right. I’ve had more than one woman tell me about that one past man they were truly in love with but it somehow didn’t work out. I’m never sure how to respond. “I’m sorry I’m not that guy?”

#99. Resist the urge to make him over – before marriage that is! This one reminds me of something I once read, and that was “Men marry women thinking they won’t change. Women marry men thinking they can change them.” That one always makes good conversation among couples, believe me.

#111-#129. These are all goofy ideas like “sink at a fashionable beach at high noon” and “stow away on a battleship” which are just dumb. Disregard them.

You can read all 129 “Ways to Find a Husband” in all their glory below. Enjoy!

Note: I guarantee you I’ll get at least one message from someone that doesn’t understand sarcasm. Guarantee it.

 

NEWPORT, R.I. — Investigators are trying to learn more about a bizarre incident off the coast of Rhode Island, CBS Boston reports. A woman said she fell off a sailboat and her husband didn’t know she had been overboard for hours in Narragansett Bay. The U.S. Coast Guard says the woman fell off her husband’s 39-foot sailboat sometime Friday afternoon as they were sailing from Newport to East Greenwich. The woman was found on Prudence Island at around 4 a.m. Saturday by a passing boater who heard her cries for help. Her husband was found around 2 a.m. in Warwick after he ran his sailboat aground. The man told local police he thought his wife was below deck sleeping and didn’t realize she was missing.

No other information is available at this point in the investigation.

No other information? I’ll give you information. The husband saw his wife fall off the boat, saw his chance, and sailed out of there like a bat out of holy hell. Dude had to be devastated when she was found by a passing boater. And he “ran his boat aground” at 2 a.m.? Going somewhere is a hurry there, bro? Please.

Note: Countdown to when this guy confesses. 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

Admit it, you’ve never heard of Aloha Wanderwell, and that’s a damn shame. Here’s why . . .

Aloha Wanderwell was born on October 13th, 1906 in Winnipeg, Manitoba, and would later become a United States citizen. Keep in mind that this was 14-years before women were allowed to vote, kids. Also, her birth name was Idris Welsh bit that was way to boring for our girl. Hence Aloha.

Anyway, she went on to become an internationalist, explorer, author, filmmaker, and aviatrix, because of course she did. While still a teenager, Aloha began her adventuring career when she met her traveling companion Walter “Cap” Wanderwell, in 1922. Walter was married at the time but that didn’t last long after the arrival of Aloha. They married in 1925 and had two children. As they continued to travel the world, Aloha performed on stage doing travel lectures while next to her a silent movie, “Car and Camera Around the World”, played. The Wanderwells recorded their world journeys on 35mm nitrate and 16mm film, which all reside in the vaults at The Academy Film Archives out in Hollyweird. You can find some of the stuff on YouTube, and it’s cool as hell.

But that’s not all. In 1930 and 1931, Aloha learned to fly a German seaplane named “Junker” that she would later land on an uncharted part of the Amazon River. After landing they set up camp at a ranch in a place called Cuiabá. They made several flights with the seaplane, once running out of fuel on the Paraguay River and becoming stranded. At this point Aloha lived among the Bororo people for 6-weeks. She even recorded and documented her time spent with them. Tough lady indeed.

In 1932, her husband Walt was shot and killed on his yacht in Long Beach, California, but authorities are 39% sure Aloha didn’t do it. Aloha later married another dude named Walter, this time with the last name Baker, and continued her travels. She ultimately visited over 80 countries and 6 continents while driving over 500,000 miles. She’s listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the first woman to make that drive around the world. I presume she took a boat here and there, but with Aloha you never know.

So, let’s reiterate. Adventurer, around-the-world traveler, pilot, explorer, author, and film maker, all while the vast majority of women were staying at home, raising children and minding the house while their husband worked.

Quick note – You realize all of this was accomplished before Amelia Earhart, right? This was a woman way ahead of her time, folks.

Anyway, meet Aloha Wanderwell, forgotten American heroine. Amazing lady.

 

Listen, everyone knows I think that we as a society go w-a-y overboard on all the politically correct crap that seems to have taken over our lives. Everyone needs to lighten up and chill, as the kids say. That said, man, were we sexist, chauvinist idiots back in the day. What you’ll find below are some amazingly in-your-face sexist ads that would never, ever see the light of today now, and for good reason. Check ’em out:

Because everyone knows the perfect wife keeps a clean house while staying skinny. Ugh.

I can’t believe this stuff actually existed. Thank God nowadays both women AND men can cry to get what they want.

Wait. What? Women used Lysol for feminine hygiene? I am beyond confused right now.

So this ad is saying, “Ladies, don’t use Midol because it makes you feel better. Use it so your man will enjoy being around you.” Sigh.

This is basically an ad promoting rape, is it not? What the hell, man?

Honest to God, I’m getting pissed right now. I can’t believe my mother didn’t read something like this and immediately punch someone in the throat.

This car was advertised as being simple enough for even a lowly woman to drive. Somewhere, Danica Patrick’s head just exploded.

I love how they always had the woman in a dress in these ridiculous ads. And the “we all know a woman’s place is in the kitchen” line is so 50’s it hurts.

Because we all know that every woman’s dream is to have a new kitchen appliance.

Honestly, I can’t argue with the main point of this ad, and that is that the beer is O.K.

What the hell is that dude doing with a shirt and tie on in bed?

Because nothing sells coffee like domestic abuse.

No. No she will not.

“Respond to non-verbal cues, like the snapping of fingers.” No words, man. No words.

NY Post — Lauer has made one statement regarding his firing from NBC’s “Today” for alleged sexual harassment, saying, “Repairing the damage will take a lot of time and soul searching and I’m committed to beginning that effort. It is now my full-time job.” A source says, “Matt has no intention of returning to public life. He wants to be a regular Joe, just staying in the Hamptons and playing golf. He is going to stick to his one statement and not address the allegations further.”

I say bravo to Matt Lauer. Bravo sir! Just going back to joining the common man in the Hamptons. Hell, any of us common folk could run into Matt at anytime, as long as we’re, you know, playing golf in the Hamptons. On a related note, Matt Lauer can go straight to hell.

So some girl named Jane left these rules for her boyfriend before he went on vacation with his bros, and he was gracious enough to share them with the world. First read the note, followed by my comments.

Listen, I have no idea what a gaff or a scruffy is, nor have I ever heard of a Hibs song. However, I do know what a crazy-ass, looney tune woman is, and that is Connor’s girlfriend Jane. Avoiding eye contact with girls? Pee samples? Better be careful as “I may turn up?” That’s just horrifying stalker talk right there. That girl’s batshit crazy, man. Hey Conner, c’mere for a sec. No, a little closer please. OK, listen up: Run. Now. Run for your life while you can. Get out, because if you don’t your life is destined to be full of anguish and a living hell. Thank you and goodnight.

Burn indeed.

Ever have a relationship that suddenly went awry for a weird reason? Something happened that made you think, “Uh, this isn’t going to work.”

Yeah, me too.

As a matter of fact it’s happened to me more than once. Let us review the sordid details . . .

I once went out with a girl in college that I’d had my eye on for awhile. We finally arranged a date, I picked her up, and things were going well. As always I had my music playing, and at one point I asked her what she thought of a particular Beatles song.

And then it happened, words spilling out of her mouth that were destined to ruin our relationship before it even started:

“I’ve never really cared for The Beatles. I think they’re overrated.”

At that point I spat out my coffee and I wasn’t even drinking any. Then I said something along the lines of, “Whaa . . . you . . smrgffft . . . wait . . . EXCUSE me?”

Listen, I can date somebody who hates sports, who doesn’t like to read books, who doesn’t like to travel, isn’t crazy about kids, hell, I can even date a Republican. But can I date somebody who dislikes The Beatles? I cannot.

Be ambivalent about them? Maybe. Dislike them? Nah.

Let us revert back to a quote from one of my favorite artists, the one and only lead singer of The Eels, Mr. Mark Oliver Everett, better known as E. E said this:

“Kids know what’s going on. They always respond to The Beatles, for instance. Doesn’t matter when they were born, they always seem to respond. Show me a kid who innately doesn’t like The Beatles and I’ll show you a bad seed.” 

Yep.

Listen, you don’t have to love The Beatles, but you certainly have to appreciate them for what they contributed to modern music. After all, virtually every band or artist today has stolen from them on one level or another. To not acknowledge that fact makes you, in my opinion, dumb.

Another time a date went sideways even more quickly. After I picked her up we walked out to my car, she opened the door and then proceeded to get out a handkerchief and wipe the seat before sitting down. Then she continued to look for dog hair on her coat all evening, making sure to hold it up for me every time she found one.

It didn’t take a genius to see that relationship was going very far. I mean, if a little dog hair bothered her that much we were in big trouble, ya know? I mean, if ya can’t make some allowances for The Spark you’re not my kinda girl.

I once dated a girl who I was beginning to really like. We’d gone out a few times and hit it off. She was from a nice family and showed no signs of abnormal behavior. Well, that all ended abruptly one sunny afternoon when she casually uttered a racial slur in the middle of a casual conversation regarding one of my friends. I asked her how in the world she could talk that way, she didn’t see a problem with it, I pointed out that I thought it was ignorant, and from that moment on I couldn’t wait to get her home and get the hell out of there.

It’s amazing how someone so pretty could turn so ugly so fast.

Finally, this last one is a little weird and sounds like something out of a Seinfeld episode. Years ago I was just out of college and seeing a girl that seemed really normal, at least by my standards. Anyway, things were going well until the day we went to a mall in Columbus. At some point we were ready to go up to the second floor and I sort of guided her over to the escalator. Just as we were about to step on she froze in her tracks and we had the following conversation:

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t get on there.”

“Huh? Why?”

“I haven’t told you this yet but I have a fear of escalators. It’s called Escalaphobia.”

“Hahahahahaha! Nice try weirdo.”

“I’m serious. They frighten me. I’m afraid I could get hurt on there.”

“Ooooooh.”

Long story short, she wasn’t kidding. This otherwise nice young lady had a legitimate, actual fear of escalators. Me, being the immature idiot that I was, couldn’t get past it. All I could think of that something must be inherently wrong with this woman, that if she was afraid of escalators what other irrational fears or thoughts might she have? Seriously, all I could think of were conversations I’d be having with people for years to come:

“Sorry, we have to take the stairs. She’s afraid of escalators.”

What can I say? Empathy wasn’t my strong suit then, nor apparently now since I just made myself laugh out loud as I typed that.

Anyway, so there ya go. Four weird things that can ruin a relationship. Well, plus me. I can ruin a relationship. On a related note, let’s not go there.

PS – Listen, I know too much dog hair is a pain and people have irrational fears that the rest of us have trouble comprehending. I get it, so save your complaints (I can hear the Society of Social Anxiety folks organizing as we speak). The racism, on the other hand, I will never get.   

PPS – And yes, I know I’m afraid of clowns, dolls and mannequins. Hey, I didn’t say I was perfect.

PPPS – And puppets, in particular marionnettes. There. I said it.

I can relate, trust me.

 

So I ran across this girl’s question regarding her ongoing relationship with her boyfriend Derek. Let’s call her Heather, because it seems like her name would be Heather. No offense Heathers. Anyway, read the letter, followed by my reply, then let me know what you think about it.

Q: I had been dating my boyfriend, Derek, for five years (from ages 20 to 25) and up until recently we had lived together for two and a half. When we first moved in together, I told him I wanted a proposal within the next year or else I would leave. He said this was completely doable and said he figured it would even happen before then!

So a year goes by and there’s no proposal. Derek says he needs more time to save up for a ring, so I tell him he has six months. I say ok and warn that I’ll leave if he doesn’t. Again, no ring. This time he says he can’t find a ring that’s “perfect,” so I pick one out that I like and he says to give him six months to save for it.

Another six months go by and NO RING. By now it’s been two years that I’ve been waiting to get married, so I tell him he has another six months and that it’s his last chance because I love him. Again, nothing – and this time he says it’s because he’s not sure if I’m “The One.” Ok, then why the fuck didn’t you say that two years ago Derek??

I finally had my fill of his lying. Last Friday I packed up all my stuff, took my name off our joint bills and moved out (my name is not on our lease.)

Derek does not have money problems and makes more than I do, so his excuse about saving for a ring was bullshit. It’s not like I even needed an expensive ring! Just a regular diamond ring that costs between $2,000 – 3,000. At one point he even said he’d go down to a pawn shop to get a ring RIGHT THEN and propose RIGHT THEN, but I felt like that would be cheap and he was only offering it to get me to stop talking. He told me we were soulmates, but refused to get the ring.

Did I do the right thing, yes or no?

Heather, Heather, Heather. First off, what’s the rush, kid? Hell, women wait to get married when they’re 35 or 40 these days, and sometimes not at all. Nobody cares. Why? Because, you know, they have careers and stuff. This isn’t 1922 when people would start calling you an Old Maid if you weren’t married by the age of 28. It’s a new day, sista. Welcome to 1970.

Secondly, guys don’t like deadlines for this type of thing. Demanding a ring is sort a bad move, don’tcha think? Dudes don’t like that kind of pressure, man. If you’re so obsessed with a diamond, wearing a white dress and having your big day you should’ve kicked Derek to the curb after he missed your first deadline, then gone and found a guy who wanted the same thing as you.

Finally, it’s pretty clear Derek has been stringing you along for several freaking years. I mean, those excuses are pretty lame. Can’t find the “right” ring? R-i-g-h-t. Heather, here’s the deal. Your big mistake was made when you moved in with this guy. He had you right where he wanted you, so why get married? The only thing a ring would’ve changed is that Derek would’ve been poorer.

So Heather, to answer your question, yes, you did the right thing. A little late, but ultimately you did. Now go find another guy to squeeze a ring out of.

So, thoughts?

You have to admit that Daniel gave it a hell of an effort here. I mean, Top Golf just put this date over the top. And how about this girl? She not only makes it clear that it was a “friend date” but she had to get that final shot in with the old “#stillsingletho” hashtag. That’s brutal.

This chick blew it, right? What, romance is dead? I mean, what’s more romantic than having a bad violinist play a song for you in a mall food court? Dude pulled out all the stops. Your loss, girl. Your loss.

What do Jeff Bezos, Kenneth Frazier and Steve Ballmer have in common? baldThey are tremendously successful. And also bald.

Coincidence? Probably not. Men with bald heads are often seen as more dominant and successful by everyone around them, according to a study of the University of Pennsylvania.

The American scientist Albert E. Mannes conducted a study in 2016 with 59 subjects. He wanted to find out how people react to men with shaved heads by showing them a series of pictures.

The subjects got to see each photo twice, once of a man with a full head of hair and once of the same man with his hair shaved off. The subjects reported that they thought the bald men were more dominant, bigger and stronger.

One interesting detail: They had to be completely hairless. Bald patches or pattern baldness was seen as less attractive and weaker.

But bald men are not just more powerful, they are also seen as more intelligent. A global study conducted by the psychologist Ronald Henss of the University of Saarland with over 20,000 subjects suggests that bald men are estimated to be older, but also seem wiser and more intelligent.

Many people also believe that bald men are more potent. This view is only strengthened by the no-hair styles of recognized sex symbols like Jason Statham, Bruce Willis and Michael Jordan, which places you and your masculinity in very good company indeed.

Well, there ya go. Esteemed scientist Albert E. Mannes and respected psychologist Ronald Henss have spoken.* What everybody knew all along has finally been proven by Science. Completely bald men are more dominant, intelligent, successful and potent. End of discussion. Hey, when the University of Pennsylvania and the University of Saarland say it’s true, it’s true. Argument over. You can’t argue with Science, people.

*I have no idea who these people are.

Anyway, boom. Case closed.

marriage

marriage

marriage

marriage

marriage

marriage

marriage

So true.

toiletseat