Archive for May, 2019

From God to Ryan Reynolds, there are some hysterical tweeters out there. Enjoy.

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Holy . . .

Raccoon Dogs are terrorizing a village in central England after escaping from their pen in Nottinghamshire, according to news reports.

Raccoon dogs, also called Tanukis, look like a combination of a dog and a raccoon, but are neither dog nor raccoon, however they are part of the canid family, which includes wolves and dogs.

Shortly after escaping their pen, one of the loose dogs was photographed and reportedly attacked a goat.

Police are warning residents to watch out for the animals and to stay away from them if spotted because they are “potentially dangerous if approached as they are not domesticated,” Nottinghamshire police officials said, according to CNN.

Nottinghamshire resident Mandy Marsh told the Independent that one of the escaped animals attacked her pet goat and pony.

“I heard such a terrifying noise like I had never heard before. It was screaming. We ran out and this animal – we now know it’s a raccoon dog – was trying to attack our goat, Marsh said.

“The raccoon dog was trying to kill it. It was absolutely crazy. It was hissing and screaming and snarling. It was going absolutely mad.”

Sweet Mother of God that’s a horrific looking beast. Raccoon Dog? Really? Hell, this opens up a whole new world. What’s next, Wolf Cows? Hummingbats? The mind reels. And you have to bring your A Game, goat. And any self-respecting billy would have head-butted the hell out of that Raccoon Dog. Embarrassing really.

PS- My parents had a couple miniature burrows named Pancho and Lefty that were not to be trifled with. A couple coyotes made the mistake of harassing Pancho and got kicked into oblivion.

PPS- Sparky would tear that Raccoon Dog to shreds.

 

NYP- A superhuman group of adolescents broke the Scripps National Spelling Bee on Thursday, with eight contestants crowned co-champions after the competition said it was running out of challenging words.

It was a stunning result, coming just after midnight Thursday, for the 92nd annual event, which has had six two-way ties but had never before experienced such a logjam at the top. After the 17th round, Jacques Bailly, the event’s pronouncer, announced that any of the eight remaining contestants who made it through three more words would share in the prize.

“We do have plenty of words remaining in our list, but we’ll soon run out of words that will challenge you,” Mr. Bailly told the contestants at Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center in National Harbor, Md.

He added: “We’re throwing the dictionary at you. And so far, you are showing this dictionary who is boss.”

Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? An 8-way tie? And what’s this “running out of words” bullshit? Newsflash: There are always more words. Hey Scripps National Spelling Bee, you want to crown a true champion? Play this thing out until you have a winner. I don’t care if it lasts 3-days and kids are passing out left and right up there. Hell, give them a 10-minute break every 8-hours to eat a Caramel Nut Blast or something, but we have to have one winner, not eight. How can you call yourself a true champion if you’re tied with seven other nerds contestants? That’s lame, man.

PS- Someday soon we’ll stop March Madness or the NFL Playoffs at 8-teams and give everybody a damn trophy. Somebody make it stop.

PPS- The words are getting too easy anyway. Here’s what 14-year old Erin Howard, 14, of Huntsville, Alabama had to spell for her final word: erysipelas. Please.

PPPS- No Scripps National Spelling Bee blog can be complete without this gem. Hey Homeschool, never celebrate too early brother.

Four tiger poachers were killed in a mangrove forest in Bangladesh on Wednesday during a shootout with police, officials said. The alleged poachers opened fire at Rapid Action Battalion, the anti-terrorism unit of the Bangladesh Police, in the Sundarbans, the world’s biggest mangrove forest, after they were questioned, AFP reported.

The four men, who were found dead along with guns and ammunition on the boat, were identified as members of a gang that allegedly poaches Bengal tigers and Irrawaddy dolphins, officials said.

“These gangs have become a major threat to wildlife conservation,” Tajul Islam Islam, a spokesperson for the Rapid Action Battalion, said.

Let this be a warning to all Bengal Tiger poachers in Bangladesh – try and poach a Bengal Tiger, Irrawaddy Dolphin or any other endangered species in Bangladesh and you will be hunted down by the Rapid Action Battalion and you will be murdered. Why? Because the Rapid Action Battalion gives no damns.

PS- I had to find out what the Rapid Action Battalion looked like. I was not disappointed.

In 2019 the PC Police control everybody. Except Norm. View with discretion.

How much swag do the Browns have right now? Can you imagine Andy Dalton tooling around in a whip like this? Guarantee you Andy drives a sensible Chevy Malibu or something. Anyway, this Beckham’s Rolls features a hood ornament that pops up, and that hood ornament is Odell Beckham, Jr. because of course it is. I bet Odell, Baker Mayfield, Kareem Hunt and Jarvis Landry are taking that baby for a spin as we speak.

PS- Whether this translates to wins remains to be seen. Gonna be fun finding out though.

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As of April 2016, more than 4000 people have attempted to climb Mount Everest.  Annually around 800 people make the attempt which include Sherpas, clients, and professional climbers.

The year 2017 had the second most summits at 648 after 658 in 2013. 61% of the climbers who climbed reached to the top of Everest. 446 of the climbers were from south side and 202 from the north side in 2017.

Did you know?

There are about 200-dead bodies in the mountain, and the bodies now help other climbers to know they are on the right path or not. Those bodies are left there due to the poor weather and bringing them down is very dangerous. Looking back to the history, 4% of the climbers those who have made it to the summit have died.

Dead guy.

Damn place is like being in line at Disney World or something.

Thar she is.

Appearances can be deceiving and all that, amirite? When you first see the dude on the right’s giant arms you’re thinking uh-oh, bad news for the fat bearded guy with the arms 1/3 as big. Not so fast my friend. Turns out those biceps in the black schmedium are full of Russian pudding and that neck is made of balsa wood. Bro went down like a bag of hammers. Russian slap fighters, man. They’re cray.

PS- Honestly, can my man take a punch or can my man take a punch? Guess that’s what happens when you’ve been pounding vodka since kindergarten.

In the wild there have been no fatal attacks on humans by Orcas (Killer Whales) and only one reported bite. In captivity there have been several non-fatal and fatal attacks on humans since the 1970s.

 

This the latest in my series of Top 10 songs (or with The Beatles a Top 30 because it’s The Beatles damn it) of some of my favorite musical artists. It’s sort of a silly exercise really because taste in anything is pretty arbitrary, ya know? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure and all that. Anyway, what follows are my personal favorites and nothing more, and if you don’t like them you can go to hell.

Kidding. Feel free to let me know your favorites. Here we go . . .

My Hero (1997)

Everlong (1997)

The Sky is a Neighborhood (2017)

Long Road to Ruin (2007)

Best of You (2005)

Monkey Wrench (1997)

Big Me (1995)

 

Times Like These (2003)

Learn To Fly (1999)

M.I.A. (1999)

These Days (2011)

Next Year (1999)

OK, I lied. I listed 12. I couldn’t break it down to 10. Live with it. Anyway, Foo Fighters man. Keeping rock ‘n’ roll alive.

Early leader for 2019 Father of the Year.

PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — A Forest Grove man pleaded guilty after admitting he stole his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie proceeds to pay for an erotic massage. 

Brian David Couture was ordered to do 80-hours of community service and pay restitution for filing a false report. Couture called police on March 6, 2019, saying a stranger had come into his home through the sliding glass door and fought him.

The Washington County District Attorney’s Office said Couture’s laptop was damaged and $700.00 was missing from a jar of his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie sales.

Nice try by Brian David Couture, huh? Dude gave it a hell of a shot. I mean, it took some major cojones to burgle $700.00 from his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie money jar and then blame an intruder. I really don’t think the whole “I fought the intruder” shtick was necessary, but I guess he was trying to play the hero for little Emily. Hell, he even sacrificed his laptop to make the break-in more believable. Brian David Couture, man. 2019 Father of the Year.

PS- I brought my A game with that headline, amirite?

PPS- I’ve never had an erotic massage (well, professionally anyway) but 700 clams seems pretty steep no matter what sort of service you’re getting.

PPPS- It’s 80-20 Robert Kraft has contacted this guy for more information.

I don’t think I missed an episode of Soul Train or Midnight Special. Watch these dancers groove to Love Train by my buddies the O’ Jays. On a related note, Don Cornelius was the coolest cat around back then.

These are the states in the U.S. with the highest number of violent and property crimes per capita.

 

Everyone knows how I feel about this crap. At graduation don’t act like a fool, don’t make it about you, don’t let your family whoop and holler and act like you’re the first member of the family to get a diploma, just behave with dignity and respect. It’s not that hard. Still, we get jackasses like this guy. Hopefully he’s dead or at least paralyzed. That would be super.

Source – Alabama Public Television has refused to show the premiere of the 22nd season of Arthur because it features a gay wedding.

Entitled “Mr Ratburn and the Special Someone,” the episode features the same-sex marriage of Arthur’s third-grade teacher, Mr Ratburn.

“It would be a violation of trust to broadcast the episode,” the director of programming at APT, Mike McKenzie, told NBC NewsMcKenzie said that in April, PBS alerted APT and other stations about “possible viewer concerns about the content of the program.” After watching the episode, McKenzie and others at APT made the decision not to broadcast it.

We can always depend on Alabama to bring the comedy, amirite? Only the folks in the Heart of Dixie would ban the viewing of a fictional cartoon rat wedding. Can’t let a TV episode of animated talking rodents turn our kids gay, now can we? Roll Tide! Seriously, it’s OK to show old episodes of Bugs Bunny blowing Daffy Duck’s head off with a shotgun but we can’t show a fake gay animal marriage on television. I mean, aren’t we past all this bullshit by now? Hell, didn’t Ellen come out in 1997 or something? Good Lord. You love who you love. Who cares?

PS- I wonder if they show The Muppets? I mean, we all know about Bert and Ernie, right?

PPS- The video below is for all Alabamians who were denied viewing a couple gay rats getting hitched. You’re welcome.

PPPS- Check out the photo under the video to see what a real live homophobic, prejudiced, discriminatory person looks like. Hint: He looks just like you’d expect him to look.

Mike McKenzie.

I wrote about this two years ago, but sadly my opinion apparently fell on deaf ears because it rears its ugly head on a daily basis still. What I’m talking about is the phrase “moving forward“. Here’s what I wrote:

Over the past couple years this inane phrase has has grown in popularity, and that phrase is “moving forward.”

Good Lord. So annoying. To wit:

“I have high hopes for my team moving forward.”

“Moving forward, we want to improve our test scores.”

“Moving forward, I’d like to see more intelligent conversations regarding the philosophies of Kant and Nietzsche.”

You know, stuff like that.

But I don’t really get it. Aren’t we all moving forward all the time? We can’t move backwards, though God knows there have been times I would have liked to. It seems to me that, in most cases, you could simply leave that phrase out. It’s not needed because it’s nearly always implied.

Those three examples I used up there? Let’s say them without the “moving forward” nonsense:

“I have high hopes for my team moving forward.”

Moving forward, we want to improve our test scores.”

Moving forward I’d like to see more intelligent conversations regarding the philosophies of Kant and Nietzsche.”

See? All three statements totally work without the dumb words “moving forward” inserted. In fact they’re better, more streamlined and economical.

Bottom line? Stop it.

Thank you and goodnight.

Did this crazed fan think a little cheap shot love tap to the back would bother The Terminator? Please. Dude was Conan the Destroyer for God’s sake. The Austrian Oak. Arnold popped right back up like it was nuthin’. Blindside the Governator all you want, he ain’t stayin’ down for long. Nice try, South African Wussboy. Nice try.

So there was a big hubbub regarding Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers and his appearance on Game of Thrones, which incidentally I haven’t seen yet. Hey, give me time. I’ll get around to it. Anyway, here is said scene. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.

Yep. You’ll have to trust me on this one but that’s Aaron Rodgers. What a thespian.

Preach it Bill Nye the Science Guy.

AOL- Footage of a dutiful beluga whale returning an expensive gadget to its rightful human owner is making waves online.

Strangely enough, iPhone owner Ina Mansika and her friends were actually searching for the specific whale, known as Angel — which attained celebrity status weeks ago as a suspected Russian navy spy when it turned up in open waters around Hammerfest, Norway, wearing a harness — when the encounter occurred.

Angel hasn’t been behaving like a typical Beluga as she’s been letting people scratch her nose and chin and generally behaving like she’s having s great time.

Mansika told AOL that she and her pals laid down on a dock for a better chance to see the infamous Beluga and “hopefully get the chance to pat it” when her phone slipped out of her jacket pocket and into the ocean.

Seconds later, the considerate sea creature dove down and appeared at the surface of the water with the gadget in its mouth, to the shock of onlookers.

Check out Angel. First she defects from the damn communists and now she’s returning her fan’s cellphones, all the while with a smile on her face. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times – in 100-years we’ll know stuff about the intelligence of animals that would astonish us if we knew it today. Amazing. Animals, man.

The good news is that Columbus Blue Jackets goalie Sergei Bobrovsky has a spectacular condo in downtown C-Bus. The bad news is that it’s for sale, possibly meaning he’s signing elsewhere this summer.  Check it out, man. It can be yours for a cool 2.9 million.

Check out that Meat-Eating Harp Sponge, man. Dude looks more like a candelabra to me but whatevs. This guy will snare and slowly digest a passing crustacean before they know it. This bizarre creature had never been observed by human eyes before 2000, when a team from the Monterey Bay Research  Aquarium Institute in California took a remotely operated submersible into 2-mile deep waters off the central California coast (video below). Wild looking creature, man. Anywho, Meat-Eating Harp Sponge.

[type “Cool Animal of the Day” into the search box to find more cool animals]

Image result for harp sponge

Nothing to see here. I’m just a harmless plant. Move along.

So people will do pretty much anything to get likes on Instagram. Why, I have no idea, but they continue to hang off cliffs, stand on top of cell phone towers, and take selfies with pit vipers. Would I enjoy seeing about one of these nitwits plunging to their deaths? I would not. Would I enjoy reading about it? I probably would. Fun fact: Between 2011 and 2017, 259 people died taking selfies. Drowning is the leading cause of selfie deaths, usually involving people being washed away by waves on beaches or falling out of a boat. The second-leading cause is listed as “transport”, which means people killed, for example, while trying to snap a quick pic in front of a moving train or standing on a moving car. Tied for third are selfie deaths involving falls from high places, as you can see some examples of below. Eight people died while taking selfies with dangerous animals. Unsurprisingly, the US led in the number of selfie deaths involving a firearm – people accidentally shooting themselves while posing with guns. ‘Murica!

Here are some examples of how incredibly dumb people can be.

Brad Stevens is the head coach of the Boston Celtics. This year his team was expected to be really good but underperformed all year, culminating with a 4-1 series loss to the Milwaukee Bucks in the second round of the NBA playoffs. All in all a very disappointing season as the Celtics didn’t come close to meeting expectations.

This happens in sports, and coaches respond in different ways. Some blame the players, some blame the officials, and if they’re a first year coach they sometimes blame the team’s previous coach. Not Brad Stevens. Listen up . . .

“I did a bad job. At the end of the day, if your team doesn’t find its best fit, that’s on you. And so I’ll do a lot of deep dives on how I can bet better.”

Take note, young coaches. Don’t point fingers, don’t make excuses. This is how you do it.