Chelsea And Not Loving Jesus

Years ago I had a new kid arrive in my 3^rd grade Physical Education class. Her name was Chelsea. She seemed like a nice, unassuming kid, though she was understandably shy on her first day at our school. As I always do with new students, I decided to try and make her feel more comfortable. I walked up to her and, well, here’s what transpired:

Me: “Chelsea! That’s a cool name.”

Chelsea: “Thanks.”

Me: “How do you like it here so far?”

Chelsea, shyly: “I like it.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice. Hey, what’s this?”

I then proceeded to perform the old “pull the quarter out of the ear” trick, a surefire way to impress and amaze 8-year old kids. I couldn’t have been more proud of my technique, by the way. But then . . .

Chelsea, wide-eyed and backing away: “YOU DON’T LOVE JESUS!!!”

Me: “Wait. What? Huh?”

Chelsea: “YOU DO MAGIC! YOU DON’T LOVE JESUS!!!”

She then proceeded to make a run for it but was stopped at the door by the principal, who just happened to be walking into the gym. Needless to say I had some explaining to do.

On a related note, I crossed the “Fly Your Harry Potter Broomstick Race” off my game list for that particular class.

Teaching, man. Never a dull moment.

I Need a Therapy Pony and I Need One Yesterday

HuffPost: Miniature therapy horses are basically magical creatures. One of them is even named Magic.

Magic went to visit a patient who had lived in an assisted-living facility and hadn’t spoken to anyone during her 3-years there. But the moment she laid eyes on Magic, she said, “Isn’t she beautiful?” It was a moment that changed this woman’s life, and was deeply affecting for the people who’d been caring for her, as well.

Magic always seems to find the person in the room who needs her the most. 

Hell yeah Magic does. She is magic after all. Who wouldn’t feel better after laying eyes on that little slice of heaven? Just look at her, giving emotional support to that guy up there. Hell yes he feels better. Magic is a true American heroine, man.

Come to think of it I could use a little Magic myself these days. Maybe I’ll look into having Magic over for some good old-fashioned pony therapy.

PS- Don’t tell Sparky about any of this.

PPS- Mom and Dad used to have miniature donkeys named Poncho and Lefty. They were cool. Dad saw a coyote harassing them one evening and he said Poncho kicked it about 20-feet across the pasture. Poncho was badass.

Cheerleader Is More Proof That Aliens Are Among Us

Not saying that she’s an alien. But she’s an alien.

Watch David Blaine Blow Harrison Ford’s Mind

David Blaine is a warlock.