An Incident at the Mall

Posted: October 22, 2015 in Adventure, Humor
Tags:

So I’m up at Polaris Mall awhile back doing some shopping when I spotted somebody with whom I once taught. It was a woman I knew pretty well, so I thought I’d have some fun with her.

She had her back turned and was sorting through some merchandise, so she was ripe for the pickin’ if you will. I maneuvered my way around the mannequins and racks of clothing, creeping up on her like a mall ninja. As I did, I put up the hood of my coat. You know, to enhance the effect.

As I crept closer, I considered my options. Just say “Boo!”? Grab her from behind? Nah, that might be too traumatizing. I finally decided to just get real close and whisper, “H-e-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o . . .” in the creepiest way possible and enjoy her reaction.

I know, weird, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Anyway, when I got to within about a foot of her I unleashed my “H-e-l-l-o-o-o” and waited for the hilarity to ensue.

As she whirled around, a shriek could be heard throughout the mall.

And it came from me.

Because the woman I’d sprung my sneak attack on was not the woman I knew. Yep, I’d just scared the bejesus out of a complete stranger.

Seriously, I have no idea who screamed louder, me or her. From somewhere behind me, a baby wailed.

My unintended victim backpedaled away, her hands up in self-defense and her mouth agape. All I could do was back up myself, put up my own hands to show her I possessed no weapons, and profusely try and explain this terrifying case of mistaken identity.

Yeah, she wasn’t listening. At this point she was too busy yammering on about security or something, although I couldn’t be sure. It was really hard to understand her with all the weeping and whatnot.

Rather than wait for the authorities and try to describe my actions, I made the prudent decision to vamoose. I scrammed. Actually it was more of a speed-walk out of Macy’s and into the throng of mall shoppers. I believe I passed a mall cop on a Segway speeding in the opposite direction at one point. And I may or may not have hid in the middle of one of those circular dress racks for a few minutes, but that’s neither here nor there.

But damn, from behind she sure looked like someone I knew.

From the front?

Not so much.

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