The Thom Browne Fashion Show: A Shoe Untied Review

Posted: March 8, 2017 in Fashion, Humor, Opinion

So some dude named Thom (with an h) Browne is an avant garde fashion designer who unleashes some mighty interesting style choices on an unsuspecting public. He recently staged his latest show, and it begs for a look-see from the Shoe: Untied Committee of Style (SUCS). The committee consists of yours truly (CEO and Founder), Sim Hao Xiang (Legal Department) and Ariella Levinsky (Fashion Editorial Assistant). Sim Hao asked to be on the committee because he has a “passion for fashion” (his words). Ariella happens to actually have a degree from Bunka Fashion College in Tokyo, ranked 7th in the world (look it up). Me? I’m on the committee because it’s my website and for my snarky, insightful world view.

The plan is to show you a photo, followed by the committee’s comments and knee-jerk reactions. Enjoy!

Sim Hao: “Daring look here. I like it. Sort of 1920’s throwback.”

Ariella: “The swim caps and socks top off an exciting, fresh look.”

Shoe: “Looks like a Beach Party on Uranus.”

Sim Hao: “Again, a clean, classic look that harkens back to a simpler time.”

Ariella: “The Elizabethan makeup symbolizes the starkness of the style. Wise in a stylistic sense.

Shoe: “Does that bro have whiteface on or did he go overboard with the sunscreen?

Sim Hao: “A daring take on the classic business suit.”

Ariella: “Here Thom is saying that Wall Street is in dire need of some loosening up. Love the leggings.”

Shoe: “Not sure what Thom is saying, other than he’s batshit crazy.”

Sim Hao: “The black and white look never goes out of style. Love love love.”

Ariella: “While the white lips are jarring at first glance, they’re simply an extension of the entire fashion statement.”

Shoe: “Listen, I’m not a PC guy but that’s racist. Wait. Is that a dog purse? Cool.

Sim Hao: “Love this look, and the boots are fabulous.”

Ariella: “The long-flowing arms are saying that our reach is limitless and has no bounds.”

Shoe: “How in the hell can you perform the most basic human functions with those sleeves? And my dominant eye is my right one so I’d be screwed.”

Sim Hao: “A light, airy look. Bravo!”

Ariella: “Again, the feathers symbolize freedom and an ability to take flight from our inhibitions. Well played, Thom Browne!

Shoe: “How many chickens died here in the name of fashion? On a related note, feather shorts are not a horrible idea.”

Sim Hao: “Omigod! I simply must see his footwear!

Ariella: “Here Thom has gone beyond white, showing that freedom comes in all the colors of the rainbow!

Shoe: “Looks like a hyena ate a bunch of parrots and vomited on this poor guy.

Sim Hao: ‘The black bird headgear is the perfect counteraction to the white outfit. Genius!

Ariella: “Thom is now simply going beyond style. He’s showing we can actually be a bird and possess all their best qualities.”

Shoe: “Oh, for Christ’s sake. That dude would never make it through hunting season where I come from. And he sort of quit from the knees down, didn’t he? I mean, really? Brown loafers?”*

*Maybe they’re red. Still bad.

Sim Hao: “Another modern take on a classic look. And the chokers are fab!

Ariella: “This look is right in line with Thom’s artistic vision. The plastic gloves are saying, ‘Let’s get dirty!” Sexy look indeed.

Shoe: “Looks like the 1776 British Army Infantry, Gay Division.

Sim Hao: “They look like mysterious superheroes! Oh how I love this look!”

Ariella: “Thom is famous for his bowler hats. Here’s a fresh, unique look at an old fashion staple. Courageous creativity at its pinnacle.

Shoe: “Wait. Face hats are a thing? Who knew? I know a few people who could use one, including Thom Browne after trying to sell people this trash.”

So there you have it kids, Shoe: Untied’s take on the Thom Browne Fashion Show. Go buy your face hats and feather coats today!


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