If You Could Replace The Cast Of One Movie With Muppets, Keeping Only One Human Actor, What Movie and Actor Do You Choose?

Posted: July 16, 2018 in Humor, Movies, Opinion, WTF?

So this hypothetical question has been rambling along the worldwide interweb the last couple of days, and I must say it begs for insight from my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied. Remember, my people were asked to replace any movie cast with The Muppets and keep one human character. I sent the question around our world headquarters via our group email, and what you’ll find below are some of the results. Oh boy. Let’s just say it took an ugly turn. Enjoy. Or perhaps not. My comments follow the choices.

Ancel Pinsky (Account and Finance) 

Titanic. Keep the Titanic.

Wait. What? Did Ancel understand the question? The Titanic isn’t a character. Good God. On the other hand, Kermit reciting the “I’m the king of the world!” line would be stellar.

Hank Moffit (Quality Control)

Jurassic Park. Keep Jeff Goldblum.

Not bad, Hank. Not bad at all. Dinosaurs eating Muppets has a certain fascination to it. I think. I mean, Camilla the Chicken might be tasty. And there’s Miss Piggy. I’ll stop now. Wait. Do you like frog legs?

Hoss Merkel (Security)

Avengers: Infinity War. Keep Scarlett Johanssen.

Damn it Hoss. Everyone knows about your fixation with Scarlet Johanssen. Hell, you don’t even try and hide it anymore.

Luigia Voltolini (Human Resource Management)

Halloween. Keep the dude who plays Michael Myers. 

Well, that took a dark turn. First velociraptors eating Muppets and now Michael Myers slicing and dicing them? Yikes. Prediction: The Swedish Chef would be the first to go, but not after a vicious knife fight.

Sim Hao Xiang (Legal)

Any Bruce Lee movie. Keep Bruce Lee.

What’s with all the violence regarding the damn Muppets, man?

Mia Lefluer (Graphic Editor)

Star Wars. Keep Darth Vader.

I like it. I think Beaker would make a great Hans Solo.

Molly Simpkins (Copy Editor)

The Shape of Water. Keep the Fish Man.

I don’t even know what’s happening with my staff anymore. The world is a complex, confusing place.

Bobby Limpett (Marketing)

Fight Club. Keep Edward Norton.

Again with the Muppet beatings. Sigh. On the other hand, Animal would be a tough out.

Ariella Levinsky (Fashion Editorial Assistant)

Predator. Keep The Predator.

WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Wait. Sam Eagle might just give The Predator a run for his money.

Fawn Collingwood (Personal Assistant to the CEO)

Forrest Gump. Keep Tom Hanks.

Violent? No. Weird as all hell? Yes. Yes it is. Thanks Fawn?

Parvez Abassi (Tech Services)

Taken. Keep Liam Neeson.

Aaaand we’re back to the murder and mayhem. I really need to reevaluate my hiring practices.

Arnold Poindexter (Runner)

Toy Story. Keep Slinky Dog.

What? Everyone’s a Muppet except Slinky Dog? Why Slinky Dog, Arnold? Why? I’m getting a headache.

Bernie Hogg (Content Strategist)

Any Rocky movie. Keep Sylvester Stallone.

Didn’t take long to get back to the ass whippings did it? Note: Word on the street is that Fozzie Bear can take a punch.

Merle Bodean Herbert (Interaction Designer)

Debbie Does Dallas. Keep Debbie.

Oh for the love of Sweet Baby Jesus. Tell me I didn’t just read that.

Bradley Davenport (Intern)

Deliverance. Keep Ned Beatty.

WHAT THE . . . listen, if you haven’t seen Deliverance don’t watch it after reading this. If you have, please accept my deepest apologies.

I’m out of here.

PS- I’m so sorry.

PPS- I had a Miss Piggy joke to work in on that last one but I just couldn’t pull the trigger.




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