So NASA said they’re going to “touch the sun”. They lied.

Posted: May 31, 2017 in Assclowns, Science, Tweets, WTF?
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Can’t touch this.

So the folks over at NASA shot out this tweet yesterday and it got my attention:

“We’ve renamed our first mission to touch the sun as the Parker Solar Probe in honor of astrophysicist Eugene Parker.”

Wait? Touch the sun? Hey, I’m no scientist but I’m 77% sure you can’t touch the sun. Pretty sure it’s too hot. After all, it’s like 800° or something, right? Anywho, later on came a slight clarification:

“In 2018, NASA will send a craft called the Parker Solar Probe on a journey which will come within 4-million miles of the searing surface of the sun, facing heat and radiation more intense than any spacecraft has endured before.”

4-million miles? Getting 4-million miles from the sun is touching?

Badasses.

Hell, by that logic I’ve been touching Kate Beckinsale for years now. Honestly, this is another case of NASA blowing things out of proportion in order to justify their existence. Listen, I have nothing against NASA but since the original Mercury 7 astronauts things have been going downhill. Even Neil Armstrong couldn’t match up with those guys. Those cats were the Space Cowboys, man.

Touching the sun. Seriously NASA, let us know when you contact some aliens. Otherwise nobody cares.

PS – I know the sun is hotter than 800°. I was kidding. It’s actually 27,000,000°. Some people can’t seem to get my humor at times. Life’s tough for a world famous blogger, man.

PPS – I had a killer Uranus joke to put in there but I just couldn’t pull the trigger.

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