Tiger Woods Recited the National Anthem Backwards After Arrest. Say What?

Posted: May 30, 2017 in Humor, News, WTF?

On a positive note, the hair plugs are really taking hold.

DM – Tiger Woods was asked to perform a Walk and Turn first, according to the affidavit, but ‘could not maintain starting position,’ ‘missed heel to toe each time,”stepped off line several times’ and ‘used arms for balance.’ Woods also ‘stopped walking to steady self’ at one point notes the report. He next was asked to perform a One Leg Stand, and was unable to raise his leg off the ground six inches, placing his foot down ‘several times’ while he tried to complete the test. The Finger To Nose seemed to confuse Woods, who despite having the instructions explained to him multiple times and claiming he understood what was being asked of him failed to complete the task as ordered according to the report.

The fifth test went much better however for Woods, when he recited the National Anthem backwards, though the report noted he did need the task explained to him ‘several times.’

Wait. H-o-l-d up a second. Easy, kids. That last paragraph really threw me for loop there. So let me get this straight. So Tiger couldn’t do the Walk and Turn, One Leg Stand and Finger to Nose drills, but he recited the National Anthem backwards? Who the hell can recite the National Anthem backwards? I couldn’t begin to do it, and I’m as sober as Sparky right now. “Brave the of home and . . .” That’s impossible. That might be a bigger accomplishment than Tiger’s 14 Majors, man. Incredible.


Gimme a holler.

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