A Man, A Mission, and a Zagnut

Posted: April 10, 2017 in Assclowns, Food, Humor, Random Encounters, WTF?

So I stopped at a gas station today to fill up the Jeep. While there I mosied inside to grab a pop for myself and a Slim Jim for the Spark. As I was grabbing my stuff, I proceeded to witness the following bizarre exchange between the lady at the counter and a older, hunched over geezer on a mission:

Geezer: “Where’s yer Zagnuts?”

Lady: “My what?”

Geezer: “Yer Zagnuts!”

I mean, this guy was speaking really loudly.

Lady: “Sir, we don’t carry . . .”


Man, I gotta tell ya, this guy really wanted a Zagnut. Bro was unhinged. He was yelling now, and he hadn’t walked in there for a Baby Ruth, a Milky Way, nor a Butterfinger. Dude wanted a Zagnut and he wanted one now.

Lady, showing extraordinary patience: “Sir, we don’t have Zagnuts. I don’t even know what they are.”

Geezer: “How in the HELL could anyone not know what a Zagnut is? They’re ZAGNUTS!”

At this point the lady was totally confused as to what to do, and actually seemed a little frightened. So, being the gentleman I am, I tried to help:

Hey buddy, how about some Goobers? Goobers are good.”

At that point the old dude glared at me, made a noise that sounded like somebody stepped on a baby squirrel, turned, stormed out the door, got into his 1981 Chrysler Cordoba and squealed out of the lot, presumably on a quest for the elusive Zagnut.

Me? Although I had to pay for my pop, the Spark got a free Slim Jim. Damn Sparky always seems to come out ahead, and he’d stayed in the car.

But man, I’d never seen anybody so intent on getting a Zagnut.

PS- Do they even make Zagnuts anymore?

PPS- I looked it up. They do.


Gimme a holler.

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