7 Things You May Not Know About Adolf Hitler

Posted: January 26, 2017 in Assclowns, Fun Facts, History, War

Yeah, you probably know a lot about the evil dictator and leader of the Third hitlerclownReich, but I bet you don’t know everything. However, once again I’m here for you. What follows are some facts about the man who tried to take over the world while exterminating an entire race of people in the process. History and Social Studies teachers, feel free to print this out and use in in the classroom. You’re welcome.

  1. Adolf Hitler was almost known as Adolf Schiklgruber. True story. Alois Schiklgruber made the decision to change his surname from  Schicklgruber to Hitler on January 7, 1877 . Somehow, “Heil Schilkgruber!” wouldn’t have had the same ring to it, man.
  2. I wrote about this the other day (which actually led to this blog) but the Nazi government headed by Hitler led the most powerful anti-smoking campaign in the world during the 1930’s and ’40s.  The German doctors were the first to establish the link between smoking and lung cancer. Hitler’s personal distaste for tobacco and his open criticism of tobacco consumption proved a strong motivating factor for the movement because, you know, Hitler could have you murdered and whatnot. It was around 30-years later when the rest of the world caught on.
  3. Medical reports show that Adolf Hitler used cocaine and injected himself  with the extracts of seminal vesicles and the testes of young bulls to bolster his libido. But really, who hasn’t? He also had an uncontrolled flatulence problem, which was probably an issue at meetings with his evil henchmen. Supposedly Hitler used the cocaine to clear his sinuses and soothe his nerves, even though I always thought cocaine wired you up. Hitler, man. What a nitwit.
  4. Hitler was a vegetarian during WWII. Yep, wouldn’t touch meat. And during movies, if there was a scene showing any type of cruelty to animals, he reportedly would cover his eyes and look away until someone said the scene was over.  Isn’t that sort of a funny visual? I mean really?Anyway, in 1937 Hitler stopped eating all meat except liver dumplings, which is just weird. His typical diet consisted of baked potatoes with cottage cheese, spaghetti, oatmeals, stewed fruits and vegetables, an egg, and a box of Fruit Loops. OK, I made up that Fruit Loops part.
  5. Hitler’s plan for Moscow was to exterminate all its inhabitants, level the city, and replace the it with a gigantic artificial lake which would submerge Moscow completely. The huge lake was to be created by opening the sluices of the Moscow-Volga canal. But hey, Hitler loved animals!
  6. Hitler had a collection of thousands of Jewish artifacts that he got from the people headed to concentration camps. He planned to build a museum of Jewish artifacts and call it “Museum of Extinct Race“. How’d that work out for you, Hitler? U-S-A! U-S-A! And Russia of course. They helped.
  7. Hitler’s famous autobiography “Mein Kampf” was originally titled, “My Struggle for Five Years Against Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice”. It was a little wordy and didn’t exactly roll off the tongue, so it was probably a good call. On a related note, I could write a book using that exact same title documenting my years working under a certain idiot superintendent. Boom. I said it.

So there ya go, 7 Things You May Not Know About Adolf Hitler. And really, name one other person who can write about Hitler and throw some humor in as well. You can’t.

PS- I wrote this whole story spelling his name Adolph instead of Adolf before I realized I’d misspelled it. Who does that? I’ve seen his name written a million times. Weird.




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