Another Run-In With A Crazy Shopper, Or How I Almost Lost My Coat

Posted: December 20, 2016 in Fashion, Holidays, Humor, Random Encounters
Tags:

bearshopSigh.

Once again I’ve had a run-in with a weird shopper. Here’s what went down . . .

So I travel up to the Tanger Outlets, a mall near where I live here in Southern Ohio. The mall gets shoppers from Cincinnati, Dayton and Columbus and sort of sits in the middle of all three cities. I went up to look for a sporty winter coat, and I scored a sweet Adidas number that was perfect for the price. Adidas is having a helluva sale by the way. Anyhoo, before I found my coat I was in the Nike store looking for the same thing. At one point I spotted something I thought I might like, so I took off the coat I had on, a leather jacket, and hung it on the side of a nearby rack. Not on a hanger, mind you, just over the end of one of the rods the hangers hang on. On a related note, man was that was an awkward sentence.

So I try the coat on, take a gander in the mirror and realize it wasn’t for me. I then put the coat back on its hanger, turn around, reach for my coat . . . and it wasn’t there.

Actually it was there, but not where I left it. That’s because it was on some bro’s back. Yep, you guessed it.

Some guy was wearing my coat. 

Said bro was admiring himself in the same mirror I’d just used, doing the little spin-move pirouette thingy as he checked out his look. I gazed bemusedly at the dude for a second, wondering #1, what would be the proper response in this situation, and #2, how in the hell did he think that well-worn non-sporty Nike Swooshless coat would be sold in a Nike store?

I guess I should have simply said something along the lines of, “Hey, that’s my coat” but that seemed sort of unoriginal. Instead this conversation commenced:

“You like that coat?”

“Yeah, I think I do. What do you think?”

“I like it a lot. Because it’s mine.”

“Haha! Honestly, I think I’m buying it.”

“Haha! No you’re not. It’s mine. Seriously. My cell phone’s in that pocket right there. So’s my money clip. Take it off.”

At that point the guy pats the pocket I’m pointing to, freezes with a look of shock for a second, then proceeds to shuck my coat with the speed of an electron.*

*Electrons are fast.

My coat was then handed back to me along with an abundance of apologies of which I accepted graciously. Well, graciously for me anyway. I may or may not have muttered “idiot” at one point under my breath, but that’s neither here nor there.

Before I left though, I had to ask:

“If you really like this coat I’ll sell it to you for $200.”

Dude thought for a minute, then said “No thanks, man. Appreciate the offer though.”

Then, since it was the holidays, “$150?” Hey, I was feeling all Christmasy and whatnot.

“Mmmm, no thank you.”

Alright man. Have a good Christmas.

“You too.”

Then he walked away.

What can I say? Just another weird shopping encounter for yours truly.

PS – The guy actually made a smart move. I’d seen the same coat at Wilson’s Leather Store for $89.99. 

PPS – I hated myself for a few minutes, but it passed. Merry Christmas!

 

 

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