White Trailer Tears Neighborhood Apart, Neighborhood Is Dumb

Posted: November 16, 2016 in Assclowns, Humor

So apparently some bro in Schaumburg, Illinois is in big trouble with his neighbors because of the big 25-foot trailer in his driveway. The neighbors hate that trailer, man.

Before I begin, let me make a couple things perfectly clear –  the trailer is completely within private property, the owner lives on a cul-de-sac, and there’s no Home Owners Association. No neighborhood rules or local laws are being broken.

The trailer’s owner goes by the spectacular name of Mark Panther, and the trailer seems to be related to his hobby of racing cars.

Anyhoo, his dumbass neighbors have collected 65-signatures in a petition that asks the village to address local laws covering the home parking of trailers and RVs. Neighbors have compared the trailer to a “dump truck,” although it looks to me like a, well, trailer.

Here’s what one of Panther’s jackasses friends across the street had to say:

“The visual of pulling into our cul-de-sac with this big wall of white in the way is horrible.”

Apparently Mr. Panther has also installed a security camera to the side of his trailer, which has upset the neighborhood to no end. A couple of them, Anthony Tarasiuk and Danielle Wagner, said this, undoubtedly tearfully:

“There was a lens staring directly back at me. I started trembling. Even now I get emotional talking about it.”

Oh sweet Jesus. Hell, he probably had the cameras put in to make sure nobody vandalized his trailer since everyone hates it so much. Smart move, Panther.

Not gonna lie, I’m siding with Mark Panther here, mainly because his neighbors are morons but also because his name is Mark Panther.

Regarding those neighbors, I believe it was famous philosopher Plato, or perhaps Socrates, who said something that applies best here:

Tough shit.

Hey, I get along with my neighbors really well, even though my dog Sparky prefers heading to their yard for his personal business. And what they have in their driveway is none of my damn business. They can park a 18-wheel semi-truck in their driveway if they want, it’s their property.

I’m guessing Anthony Tarasiuk and Danielle Wagner wouldn’t like living in my neck of the woods much, where you might see anything from a guy gutting a deer in his front yard to a car engine hanging from a tree branch.

People, if you’re so sensitive, you should probably buy a home in an area with a really strict Home Owners Association. Then you could spare yourself from the horrible experience of looking at an innocuous, plain white trailer.

All-in-all, that’s pretty dumb, right? Except it gets better.

Mark Panther has not only kept his white trailer, but he’s also installed an awesome White Trailer mailbox to taunt his nosy neighbors. I gotta tell you, that mailbox is spectacular. And to put the icing on the cake, Mark Panther has created a Facebook page for his trailer called The Misunderstood Trailer. That, my friends, is several kinds of awesome.

Folks, you do not mess with Mark Panther or Mark Panther’s trailer.

Mark Panther is my hero.



Gimme a holler.

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