Here’s Some Advice for the Ladies from Back in the Day, and It’s Still Applicable Today*

Posted: September 3, 2016 in Humor, Men and Women, Opinion
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*Sarcasm Alert!

I ran across this valuable advice for ladies from back in the 1940’s and 1950’s. Surprisingly, it still applies in 2016. Ladies, feel free to print this out and stick it on your fridge, maybe keep a copy in your purse for easy reference. Pay close attention as we proceed . . .

DON’T BOTHER YOUR HUSBAND WITH PETTY TROUBLES AND COMPLAINTS WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM WORKSex Today in Wedded Life (1943).

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times. Girls, the hubby doesn’t want to hear about your problems after a hard day at the office or steel mill. Just shut it and have dinner ready. It isn’t about you, damn it.

REMEMBER, YOUR MOST IMPORTANT JOB IS TO BUILD UP AND MAINTAIN HIS EGO. MORALE IS A WOMAN’S BUSINESSSex Today in Wedded Life (1943).

Well, der. If it isn’t your job isn’t to tell me how great I am I don’t know whose it is. Get it together, ladies.

BE A GOOD LISTENER. LET HIM TELL YOU HIS TROUBLES; YOURS WILL SEEM TAME IN COMPARISONSex Today in Wedded Life (1943).

Because there’s no way your problems can match mine, sweetheart. Just be still, settle down and listen to me complain.

LET HIM RELAX BEFORE DINNER. DISCUSS FAMILY PROBLEMS AFTER THE INNER MAN HAS BEEN SATISFIEDSex Today in Wedded Life (1943).

Ooh, this is an important one. No discussion of family problems until my inner man has been satisfied. Work up my appetite, baby.

A MEETING, AN AFTERNOON TEA, OR A MATINEE IS NO EXCUSE FOR NOT HAVING DINNER READY WHEN YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM A HARD DAY’S WORKSex Satisfaction and Happy Marriage (1951).

Solid advice indeed. Do what you want during the afternoon, honey, as long as you have my T-Bone and Baked Potato ready when I walk through the door. And hey, be sure and have my cigar fired up and ready to go when I’m finished.

IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE FRIGID WOMEN, DON’T BE IN A HURRY TO INFORM YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT IT. TO THE MAN IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IN THE PLEASURABLENESS OF THE ACT WHETHER YOU ARE FRIGID OR NOT. HE WON’T KNOW UNLESS YOU TELL HIM, AND WHAT HE DOESN’T KNOW WON’T HURT HIM(Dr. William Josephus Robinson).

That’s just common sense, ladies. As long as your husband is satisfied it’s all good. It makes no difference to us. As for you, fake it, please.

YOUR UNDERWEAR SHOULD BE SPOTLESSLY CLEAN, AND EVERY WOMAN SHOULD WEAR THE BEST QUALITY UNDERWEAR THAT SHE CAN AFFORD. THE COLOR SHOULD PREFERABLY BE PINK. AND LACE AND RUFFLES ARE PREFERRED BY THE AVERAGE MAN(Dr. William Josephus Robinson).

Well, the “spotlessly clean” part is sort of timeless, don’t you think? As for the color and texture, I can go in many directions here and they’re all bad. No thank you.

IN CASE OF AN OCCASIONAL LAPSE ON THE PART OF THE HUSBAND, FORGIVE AND FORGET. OR BETTER YET, MAKE BELIEVE THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING –  (Dr. William Josephus Robinson).

Boy, this Doc Robinson was a piece of work, wasn’t he? On a related note, I wish to God this would have been read by both my ex-wives.

A MAN MAY STAND NAGGING FOR A LONG TIME, BUT THE CHANCES ARE AGAINST HIM STANDING FOR IT PERMANENTLY. IF HE NEEDS PEACE TO MAKE LIFE BEARABLE, HE WILL HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT ELSEWHERE THAN IN HIS OWN HOUSE. AND IT IS QUITE LIKELY THAT HE WILL LOOK (Sex Satisfaction and Happy Marriage (1951).

All kidding aside, that one’s pretty much on the money.

 

Note: So, you all know sarcasm when you read it, right?

Right?

And you think I pissed the clowns off.

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