Incident on Bridge Street, or How a Numbskull Almost Got 2 x 4’d

Posted: June 8, 2016 in Assclowns, Humor
Tags: ,

It wasn’t this much lumber, but it felt like it.

So I’m rolling down Bridge Street today behind a pick-up truck filled with lumber. We stop at a light, and as it changes the guy pulls out too quickly and loses his entire load. Slid right out of the bed of the truck and onto the street. The driver hopped out of his truck with a look of horror, and it turns out he was an older gentlemen who was by himself. I started to go around, but I couldn’t do it. Bridge Street was crowded as usual and the dude needed a hand.

So I stopped, turned on my emergency flashers and hopped out. The guy was very appreciative and said thanks about a trillion times as we began to reload his truck. It makes you feel good to help people, ya know? But then . . .

A guy pulls up behind my car and starts laying on his horn. At first I was certain it had to be a buddy messing with me.

No such luck.

This was an actual living and breathing assclown who was honking his horn at us. I couldn’t believe it. Here was a poor guy who’d accidentally lost some lumber from the bed of his truck and felt horrible already, and now he had this jackass on our ass. I stepped over and gave him the universal “go around” signal but he just sat there.

Then he started leaning on the horn again.

At that point I tried ignoring him, but that didn’t last long. Dude was really beginning to rankle me. As for my friend the driver, he was taking the high and correct road by ignoring the jerk.

Me? Naw.

I walked around my car to have a word with the guy, and he saw me coming and actually rolled up his window. He also began punching numbers into his cell phone, which I presume were a 9 and a couple 1s. It was only then that I realized I was carrying a 2 x 4, which I swear I wasn’t planning on using.

On a positive note, he went around.

As he did, he gave me his own universal signal. Real tough guy, huh? Still, I bet he was looking in the old rearview at the next light, expecting to see a madman with a 2 x 4 barreling up the street after him.

We finished getting the lumber back on the truck, and the driver gave me a handshake and a part on the back. He also said, “You’re a good man,” a statement that was, without a doubt, incorrect.

Because I wasn’t entirely truthful earlier. Had the guy not taken off, I just may have used that 2 x 4.

  1. amber compher-henness says:

    way to go shoe! this world needs ore people like you….or more 2x4s ….either way, you are awesome sauce (in the words of my 7 yr old)

  2. Christian Newsome says:

    That’s awesome…you’d make a great Pastor Shoe!

Gimme a holler.

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