Russell Westbrook’s Fashion Sense: A Study

Michael Westbrook is a really good NBA basketball player. He also fancies himself to be a trendsetter in the world of fashion. He’s always a regular at New York City’s Fashion Week, where designers are constantly trying to one-up each other with outrageous, “unique” looks. Perhaps because of this Russell’s fashion sense is, shall we say, a little different. That said, let’s take a look at some of the ensembles he’s worn to games this season. I will be providing scintillating commentary and a grade with each photo, because I know you demand, and dare I say need, it. Let us commence . . .

Russell actually wore this yesterday. It’s apparently pair of capri pants, manpris if you will, accompanied by a stylish elvish hat from the Gandalf the Grey Collection. The pants appear to have been caught in a lawnmower’s blade, though I cannot be certain. In addition, I’m not sure what’s going on around the waist area. Something seems awry there. Oh, and is it me or has Russ simply given up with the plain white t-shirt? Disappointing really. The shoes are a disappointment as well, although the glasses actually seem to have lenses in them, which is a pleasant surprise. GRADE: D+

Here Russell is seen sporting a feathered fedora, and he’s wearing the lenseless glasses he seems to prefer. The button-up short-sleeved shirt is a couple sizes too small, but I realize that’s the style these days. The bow-tie is a worn-out accessory used only by those who don’t want to wear a traditional tie, and the suspenders are completely unnecessary. The plaid pants seem to have been borrowed from a 12-year old homeless boy, which is unfortunate. GRADE: D-

Here Russell has chosen his favorite lenseless glasses, followed by a sleeveless, collarless, camouflaged (?) top. Not sure what the black strips emanating from his armpits represent, but I’m sure it’s something deep, important and essential to everyday life as we know it. Once again, Russell favors the manpris, this time milky white and snug around the calves. The shoes are disappointing, as they appear to be a last-second, uninspired choice. GRADE: F

Here Russell sports a wood-brimmed fedora and a simple button-up shirt, and has chosen a simple Mexican poncho as a cover-up. I actually like this look, but I suspect the poncho is merely a last-second decision made because he wasn’t happy with his overall appearance. GRADE: C+

In this case Mr. Westbrook has gone back to the lenseless glasses, which again seem to be a favorite. The kicker, of course, is the M&M Polo, a must for any self-respecting fashion mogul. Of course it’s buttoned up as far as it will go, for anything less would be a fashion faux paus. GRADE: F+.*

*The actual M&M characters would’ve brought it up to a D.

On this occasion Russel has chosen a basic trenchcoat, covering a shirt once worn by Urkel on a Family Matters episode. Both of these choices do nothing to keep us from looking at those slacks, which are tighter than spandex on a 350-pound lady wrestler. The pants are also rolled up, which is inexplicable to any right-thinking fashion maven. The saddle shoes complete this ensemble, and by complete I mean they in no way complete it. GRADE: F

Psssst. Russ. Listen up. If you’re the Clothes Horse of the NBA, you simply cannot take a day off. I mean, you’re not even trying here. Jacket straight out a a 1985 Valleys Girls’ closet, a plain white t-shirt, and trousers that appear to have been chewed on by a South African Honey Badger. And I’m not even gonna mention those shoes. Just awful, man. GRADE: F

In this case we see that Russell has chosen some stylish shoes, acceptable pants, a questionable man purse and . . . a red silk t-shirt once worn by Boy George on Culture Club’s 1983 “Karma Chameleon” World Tour. Sigh. And he was doing so well. GRADE: D-

Apparently Russell put this number together in an effort to receive intergalactic messages from Jupiter, or perhaps block ultraviolet rays sent by aliens with evil intentions. Again he carries his man purse, followed by what appears to be studded slacks constructed by the creator of the Bedazzler (Google it).* GRADE: F

*On a related note, why am I now hungry for a Pop Tart?

So there you have it, some of Russell Westbrook’s out-therefits, along with my stinging barbs and acute assessments. And remember kids, just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s right.

Later.