The Coolest Team Nicknames & Logos in Sports: My Top 10

Posted: April 8, 2016 in Funny Photos, Humor, Opinion, Sports
Tags: ,

Back when I was teaching at Greenfield McClain I was told of a movement a few years prior to change the school mascot. It seems a group of students wanted to change the mascot from Tigers to Awesome Possums. Sweet. Imagine the logo we could’ve had.

McClain Awesome Possum!

But alas, the idea never gained traction and the Awesome Possums were left behind in the mists of time. Anyway, I was thinking of that the other day and I got the idea to look for other unusual team mascots and nicknames. Without further ado (I love saying that although I’ve no idea what it means), my Top 10:

10. Montgomery Biscuits

That biscuit looks ready to rumble.

The Montgomery Biscuits are a minor league baseball team, and yes, that biscuit apparently has butter for a tongue. Plus he has fists of fury. Me likey.

9. University of Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens

Nice sweater, dude.

Yes, friends, that is a hen. That hen is blue. And he is ready to fight.

Update: An esteemed blogging friend of mine has pointed out to me that hens are in fact female. Details, details.

8. Savannah Sand Gnats

Something about that gnat…

Again, minor league baseball. Nothing strikes fear into an opponent like a sand gnat, ya know? And this gnat . . . is that a fang? Cool shades though.

7. Joliet Slammers

That’s one badass bird. With a bat.

Minor league baseball again. Big shocker there. And yes, it’s a baseball team with a name and mascot associated with convicted felons, murderers, and assorted riff-raff. “Slammers” refers to prison, of course, and the actual mascot is a jailbird, though he looks more like a demented crow. That crow has a bat, and as you can tell by his look he ain’t afraid to use it.

6. Pittsburg State University Gorillas

Holy Moses, that’s a disturbing looking gorilla.

Never mind the fact that, as far as I know, gorillas are not native to Western Pennsylvania. Pittsburgh’s hockey team is called the Penguins so they’re all batshit crazy over there anyway. Instead, take a look at that gorilla. Really look. Does he look mad? No. Upset in any way? Nope. You know how I’d describe his look? Bemused. Like, “Yep, I’m a gorilla. Completely out of my element here in the Steel City and I can’t say I’m happy about it. And guess what? If you don’t like it I’ll crush your spleen.”

Note: It has been pointed out to me by a loyal reader that Pittsburgh State is in fact in Pittsburgh, Kansas. Who knew? My crack research team somehow missed that. Honest mistake. Still, gorillas in Kansas? I think not.

5. Colby College White Mules

Colby_Mules_logo

Ass.

 

OK, I have a couple problems here. Number 1, that’s the horsiest looking mule you’ll ever see. If they wanted a horse why not have a horse as a mascot. Number 2, their slogan is “Mules on the Move” which is a misnomer if I’ve ever heard one. Aren’t mules famous for not moving? As in “stubborn as a mule?” On a related note, that may be the first time the word “horsiest” has ever been used in recorded history. You’re welcome.

4. Lansing Lugnuts

Lugnuts%20Logo%201_jpg_475x310_q85

Again, baseball. Sigh. Anyway, get it? Lansing? Lugnut? See, Lansing is in Michigan. They make cars and stuff there. Lugnuts keep the wheels on your car. I guess “Lugnuts” beats ‘Dipsticks” but still. And by the way, that lugnut looks drunk and unhappy. I think he’s screwed. I hate myself right now.

3. Vermont Lake Monsters

Poor man’s Nessie.

This is actually a cool logo, with the “V” being formed by the waves and whatnot. Well done logo designer sir. And since Lake Monsters don’t have arms he’s holding the bat in his mouth. Otherwise we wouldn’t know he represented a baseball team (again). By the way, the Lake Monster is in reference to Champ, the monster who was created to bring gullible tourists to the area supposedly lives in Lake Champlain.

2. Richmond Flying Squirrels

Bad. Ass.

I gotta be honest here. I chose this mascot for a reason and one reason only. I love flying squirrels. Just love ’em. Cute as hell. Yeah, I know they’re basically soaring, disease-infested rodents. Don’t care. Plus, when I was a kid growing up in Southern Ohio they were called Sugar Gliders. Coolest name ever, no?

1. London Rippers

528197c64c61a0ded4b97dc38338

Yep. London, Ontario had a baseball team named after the other London’s most famous serial killer, the man who murdered and gutted at least 11-prostitutes back in the late 1800s. Although he was never caught, I bet he’d be a proud man today, no? He has a baseball team named in his honor! He’s probably down in hell right now just smilin’ from ear to ear. And think of the possibilities if only everyone were as fearlessly creative as those wacky Canadians.  The Las Angeles Mansons? The Florida Ted Bundys? The Boston Stranglers? The Milwaukee Dahmers? The Columbine Trenchcoats? Did I just go there?

Honorable Mention must go to the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs and the Stanford Tree.

Blog complete. Be careful out there kids.

Comments
  1. Dave, I remember the Awesome Possum well. In fact, I had an Awesome Possum T-shirt & a Spuds McClainsy T, too. When CB radios were popular I adopted the Awesome Possum code name as my cb ” handle “. Woulda, coulda been a great school nickname. Perhaps someone will read your post and adopt it.

Gimme a holler.

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