“5 Things That Happens When You Meet Your Soulmate” list is confusing, also dumb.

Posted: March 16, 2016 in Humor, Men and Women, Opinion, Relationships
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So this list was posted on a website called “Power of Positivity” and that title soulalone made me skeptical. Hey, I’ve been around “positive” people before, and they can be annoying as hell. Life ain’t always puppies and unicorns, kids. Anyway, this is their opinion of what happens when you meet your soulmate. Let us proceed.

Oh Gawd. This can’t go well . . .

MIRACLES BEGIN TO HAPPEN

When you have found the one who was meant for you, your soulmate, it can feel like a miracle for you. Why would it not be possible for other extraordinary things to happen? With your new sense of love, fulfillment and belonging to another, you will begin to notice other happy coincidences.

So miracles will happen? Like the dead coming to life and whatnot? Water into wine, that sort of thing? Hells to the yah! And all these years I thought all it took to be my soulmate was to enjoy Jerry’s Pizza, Cheez-Its and have a love for all things Sparky. Woot!

YOUR SOULMATE HELPS YOU SOLVE PROBLEMS THAT YOU HAD NO ANSWER FOR BEFORE

Not having a loving partner was like having a problem that needed to be solved. Now that the hole in your heart has been made whole, you can focus your energy on other things that need fixing.

Solve problems I had no answer for? Like the meaning of life? Like why I always seem to get in line at the gas station behind the person who slowly picks out lottery tickets? Anyhoo, this sounds great. Nobody needs his his heart holes plugged more than this guy. And boy, do I have other things that “need fixing.” Yikes.

YOU CONNECT MORE DEEPLY WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES

You begin spending more time with family, asking your parents, relatives and friends about their love lives. You learn to appreciate the love that created you and your soulmate. Friends who support your relationship will be ones that you keep, but anyone who feels that you have not made the right match will be gone from your life quickly. You have no room in your life for someone who can’t support your connection to your true love.

Wait. What? My relatives and friends have to support my relationship unconditionally or they’re gone? False. I don’t care if my relatives like my girlfriend or not. What the hell do they know? On the other hand, perhaps I could use some advice. Oh, and one more thing – I will not be asking my relatives about their love lives, trust me. Eew.

LOVE HAPPENS FOR OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU TOO

Once you have met your soulmate, you start to help others to see the possibility of love connections around them. Now that you have found your soulmate, you want your friends find their soulmates as well and experience the happiness that you have.

Oh good Lord. The fact that I have found my soulmate has nothing to do with my friends. I have enough problems maintaining my own relationships without worrying about yours. Sorry friends, but you’re on your own.

YOUR WORLD VIEW CHANGES

Your soulmate will begin to help you see things in a different way. You have a positive, excited-about-what-the-future-holds outlook that you might not have had before. Your soulmate has helped your heart open and you will be more forgiving, loving and accepting of others as a result.

Meh. I don’t want to see things in a “different way.” I’m fine seeing things the way I do now. Besides, I’ve seen friends who have made drastic changes after meeting the love of their life. You know what inevitably happens? They eventually go back to being the person they were before. Isn’t it better for both people in a relationship to stay true to themselves and hope their partner loves them anyway? You know, for who they really are?

But what do I know? Perhaps I should pay more attention to these types of lists. Maybe they’d assist me along the way.

Eh, maybe not.

 
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