Word Up: Snorkel, Curds and Uranus

Well, if that title didn’t grab your attention and stimulate your curiosity nothing will. Trust me when I say I thought long and hard about which heading to use. Hopefully, by the end of this blog it’ll make sense, but I promise nothing.

As someone who writes for the simple pleasure of doing so, I sometimes go to the old thesaurus in order to mix things up a little. You know, to keep the old blog fresh rather than stale. Nobody likes a stale blog, do they? Anyway, you may have noticed that I like certain words more than others. An example of one of these is “whatnot.” I love the word “whatnot,” and I’ve no idea why. It just sounds cool and sort of rolls off the tongue, ya know? Go ahead, say it aloud, I’ll wait right here.

[me waiting]

See?

Anyway, I was thinking about words the other day and why some are cooler than others to me. There’s really no rhyme or reason for my preferences, but I nevertheless have them. That said, what you are about to read is a list of my favorite, and some of my least favorite, words. Stay with me people, with a little luck this might just be interesting. Or maybe not. Don’t get all worked up and whatnot.

Let’s start with my least favorite words. I gotta be careful here, because there are certain words I don’t like simply because of their meaning. You know, like “racist”, or “Kardashian.” So those don’t count.

But let us proceed.

First, the words that I try not to say out loud:

Tuna

I know, it makes zero sense, but I hate that word. Tuna. And I like to eat tuna, just hate the word. It offends me on some level. At a restaurant I’ll just point to the word on the menu and grunt.

Grunt

Just so many bad connotations here. Nothing pretty about grunting, is there? Yeesh. In addition, I can’t watch professional tennis because of the grunting. Yuk.

Pedagogy

This sounds like a little kid trying to say, “Pet a doggie” which offends me for reasons unknown. And take it easy, I love kids. That word just blows.

Cacophony

Just a horrific mix of letters. It means “harsh discordance of sound” which seems about right.

Poop

If someone tells me they have to go poop I want to punch them right in the back of the face. And being 7-years old is no excuse. Close second: poopy. On a related note, I hate myself right now.

Behoove

This would actually be a cool word if it wasn’t usually spoken with such smugness by the speaker, as in, “Dave, it would behoove you to leave before you are thrown out.” You know, that sort of thing.

Curds

Didn’t Little Miss Muffet eat curds? And whey? What the hell is a curd? Some variation of turd? And didn’t she sit on a tuffet? What is a tuffet? I’m getting a headache.

Note: I love cheese curds. Life is a mystery sometimes.

Chipotle

I merely add this because I saw the owner of Chipotle on one of those cooking shows and he was a sanctimonious, egotistical blowhard. Plus, why isn’t it Chipotle’s rather than Chipotle? Pretentious bastards.

Moist

The many connotations here are so nasty that even I can’t go there.

Ointment

I actually like the first part. “Oint” is sort of cool, reminds me of “oink”, which is a stellar word, but then they added that “ment” at the end and sort of legitimized it, thus ruining the word. I can’t believe I just wrote that.

Note 2: Did I just write that “oink” was a stellar word? Have mercy.

Discharge

Again, no variation of this word is good, be it something that is oozing out of your body, a gun going off, or being let go from the military and whatnot. Did I mention I love the word “whatnot”?

OK, thank God we got through that unpleasantness. If you’re still with me I applaud your tenacity. Let’s move on to something a little more cheerful. Without further ado (ado, another fine word), here are my favorite words:

Uranus

Come on, everybody loves this word because it’s always good for a laugh, as in, “Can I see Uranus from here?” or “Let’s see if we can see Uranus.” Just straight-fire comedy gold, every single time.

Note 3: I’m immature. Deal with it.

Snorkel

Just a funny word, but I can never sneak it in a blog like I can sneak in Uranus. Hey-O!

Shenanigans

Maybe the greatest word ever. Just rolls off the tongue so smoothly. Say it, and be sure and draw out the beginning, as in S-h-h-h-henanigans. The nani in the middle just does it for me.

Hush

Just a beautiful word, no? H-u-s-h-h-h-h. I love the word hush.

Thusly

Beginning right now, let us all commit to using thusly as much as possible. It’s just a gorgeous word. Having said that, I can think of absolutely no way to use it in a sentence. Except . . . thusly, I am an idiot.

Crestfallen

This is a sad but magnificent word. From this point onward I shall never be depressed, blue, or dejected, but crestfallen. It somehow seems better to be crestfallen than any of those other, less majestic words.

Serendipity

Again, one of those words that just feels good to say out loud. After I make a zillion bucks from this blog and buy a yacht I’ll name it The Serendipity.

Woebegone

See thusly. We all need to make a solemn commitment to use woebegone more.

Splatter

Now, splatter usually brings to mind some unpleasantness, but that’s only because of CSI, Criminal Minds or your Uncle Herschel and his poor bathroom habits. For me, however, it just sounds fantastic rolling off the tongue. SPLAT, but with a little “ter” on the end to finish with a flourish. I swear I’m stone cold sober right now.

Perhaps

Now there’s a beautiful word we can slip in at any time, just like Uranus. Bam! Never gets old.

I also like melancholy, nodule, succulent, scintilla, blooper, bugaboo, and riboflavin. I now, random. But you can’t argue with any of those, right? Awesome words, every one.

So there you have it. My words blog. Bet you never saw that one coming, did you? Neither did I. No idea from whence it came. Whence! Now there’s a fantastic word . . .