Happy Thanksgiving From the Crack Staff Here At Shoe: Untied!

Posted: November 26, 2015 in Humor

Due to the high demand for quality blogging, there are only a few times during thanksmemethe year that the crack staff here at Shoe: Untied are given the day off and allowed to leave their basement blogging lair. Those days are Christmas, New Year’s Day, Easter, Groundhog Day (big Bill Murray fans here), Chinese New Year (it’s 2/19 and I give them the day off because Sim Hao Xiang and Tan Qi Xuan are two of my top humor writers), Independence Day (our parties are legendary and have resulted in neighborhood calls to the authorities), and finally National Dog Day (der). Of course, Sparky comes to work with me every day so to him it’s no big deal.

I also give employee Ancel Pinsky the day off on Yom Kippur so he can atone and repent, because let’s just say he needs it.

We used to honor Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day on 4/23 but discontinued because things took an ugly turn. ‘Nuff said about that, but let’s just say that employee Hank Moffitt’s 8-year old son is an asshole and incredibly inappropriate around 13-year old girls.

And yes, we work Valentine’s Day because we believe it’s a commercially created atrocity. Plus we’re cheap and hate leaving flowers in somebody’s house to die a slow and agonizing death, so there’s that.

Anywho, enjoy your day feasting on turkey, watching football and arguing with extended family members or that weird uncle who smells funny. And no worries, the crack staff here at Shoe: Untied will be right back toiling away tomorrow morning, churning out hilarious and opinionated blogs about a wide-ranging variety of topics, as well as the occasional video of somebody getting knocked out or falling down the stairs.

But for today, we hope you have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving.

PS – Seriously, I’m firing Hank Moffitt tomorrow because of that awful kid of his. He has no idea just how black Black Friday shall be. I’m accepting resumes as we speak.


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