Facebook, Twitter and the Art of the Humblebrag

Posted: November 15, 2015 in Assclowns, Humor, Life, Men and Women, Relationships, Things I Hate
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False modesty has been around forever. Hey, we’re all guilty of it at times. You know what I’m talking about. People on Facebook or Twitter who subtly brag about themselves or their life, but do it in a way that sounds as if they’re making a joke of it. Some examples that I found through my exhaustive research:

“When I bought this Ferrari no one warned me I’d get pulled over all the time. I’m an idiot for buying this thing.”

OK, you’re right on the idiot part, bud.

“They just announced my flight at LaGuardia is number 15 for takeoff. I miss Air Force One!!”

Ari Fleischer actually tweeted this. He used to be the Press Secretary for George W. Bush and apparently didn’t want folks to forget it.

“Took some homemade cookies over to the Snortlik’s this morning. I know they’re grieving and food always helps.”

This is fairly common. Somebody is going through a terrible tragedy and you get asshats that try and inject themselves into the situation in an attempt to get attention through someone else’s pain.  You usually see responses from unwitting enablers saying things like, “Oh, you’re so sweet for doing that!”

Disgusting. And oh, by the way, if you were a really good person you wouldn’t announce what you did on social media.

Being famous and having a fender bender is weird. You want to be upset but the other drivers just thrilled & giddy that it’s you.”

Unfunnyman Dane Cook actually tweeted this once. Good Lord. Didn’t his 15-minutes expire 15-years ago?

“I saw a lady at the gas station asking for money for gas. I can’t believe nobody would help her. I gave her $10. C’mon people.”

Uh, again, I hate to tell you this but if you were a really good person you probably wouldn’t mention it, buddy.

“What’s so special about Valentines Day? I send my girl flowers a couple times a month!”

Because I’m more awesome than your husband, ladies!

“Does anyone know if you can claim a yacht as a home office?”

Not sure, but I know you can claim a 1971 Ford Pinto as a home office.

“I hate it when guys just stare at me. So rude.”

Girls do this all the time. Sorta like the chick who posts bikini pics of herself playing with her kids so she can get compliments on her bod. Seems desperate to me.

“We are so blessed! Bobby just got accepted at Harvard, Jenny won the 100-meter butterfly on Saturday and James was just promoted to Head of Strategic Initiatives at Hyundai’s regional office! God is good!” 

For some reason, people believe that giving all credit to God somehow eliminates the bragging and makes it all O.K. You know, like you’re not taking the credit. Not buyin’ it, folks.

But hey, like I said, I’ve been guilty of humblebragging myself at times. Still, I like to think that the fact I’m aware of it counts for something.

Bottom line? Let’s all do our best to stop the Humblebrag Plague that is sweeping across Facebook, Twitter and the rest of social media.

Let’s fight the good fight, people!

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  1. […] and endlessly fascinating blogs about The World of Facebook, check out The People of Facebook , Facebook, Twitter and the Art of the Humblebrag, and The hApPy BiRtHdAys of Facebook. See ya on down the road, […]

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