Things Sparky Hates: The Top 10 (Updated)

Posted: September 12, 2015 in Adventure, Animals, Humor, Pets, Sparky, Things I Love

Seagull spotted.

Listen, The Spark is a good dog. He’s never nipped at anybody (well, if you don’t count the hobos he’s lunged at).

Update: Don’t reach into my car window.

That said, there are some things he doesn’t care for. Much of it has been well-documented on this site. Just type “Sparky” in that little search box on the left to read about his antics and adventures.

Anyway, it’s been over 7-years since I first laid eyes on my best friend, so I thought I’d list his Top 10 dislikes, from 1 being “pure hatred” to 10 being “regular hatred”. OK, maybe he purely hates them all. In any event, let us proceed . . .

10. Drive -Thru Window Workers

It’s gotten to the point where I dread going thru drive-thrus. I’m pretty sure Spark made a CVS Pharmacy Tech wet his pants the other day. Here’s the thing. Sparky knows when I’m approaching a drive-thru so he lurks in the backseat. Then, when the person comes to the window, he makes his move, coming over my left shoulder like a furball from hell. Seriously, I witnessed a 42-year old man shriek like an 11-year old girl at a Taylor Swift concert the other day. You ever apologize to a guy whose shaking with tears in his eyes while handing you a Nexium prescription? Awkward.

Update: Spark has improved in this area, probably because he now knows these windows sometime provide him with chicken nuggets and other delicacies.

9.  Women in Power Suits

You know, I rate this at #9 because I don’t know if it was the Power Suit or the fact the woman was near his window. I just know he scared the bejesus out of her that day and may have committed an atrocity had I not stopped him. If you didn’t read the sordid details, here ya go. Be warned – it ain’t pretty.

Update: I now know it’s not the suit that bothers my best friend, but rather the person in it. Sparky can see a jackass a mile away. Spark hates pretentiousness too.

8. Thunder/Fireworks

Let’s be perfectly clear here. Sparky is not afraid of thunder or fireworks, Sparky wants to kill thunder or fireworks. When it thunders he races around the house, leaping on and off the furniture whilst raising hell with the heavens. This includes growling, barking furiously, and jumping like a pogo stick while nipping at the air. Spark hates the thunder, man. He’ll also try and travel 2-miles on foot to get at fireworks, and he would if I didn’t stop him.

Update: I was at a friend’s house the other day and fireworks were going off somewhere. All were amazed when Sparky went in search of this nefarious noise. Same with thunder.

7. 18-wheelers

I have a strong suspicion that Spark may have had a run-in with a big rig at some point in his life. We can be a 1/2 mile from the highway, but if he hears a semi-truck he gives me this stricken look and runs to my side, cowering and growling. Spark ain’t afraid, but he’s certainly hyper-aware where the big trucks are concerned.

Update: Still hates the big trucks, but he doesn’t cower anymore. Now he proudly trots to my side and gives a low growl as the truck rolls by. He’s still wary, but Spark has his groove back.

6. Car Washes

Wanna see a show? Ride through a car wash with me. Spark tries in vain to get a piece of anything that comes near the windows. I swear he runs a circle around the inside of the car, across the dash, down the sides of the car, across the back window, yapping all the while. Spark thinks the car wash is trying to hurt me and he can’t have that, now can he?

Update: Sparky and the car wash have come to an uneasy truce. He’s settled down, but he still keeps a vigilant eye accompanied by an occasional guttural growl.

5. Sweepers

I documented Spark’s loathing of sweepers in the acclaimed blog Sparky: Operation Toy Rescue and the Sweeper from Hell. I won’t repeat that here, let’s just say my dog growls when he walks by the closet where my sweeper resides. Not even kidding.

Update: No change here. The Spark’s hatred of my sweeper is both deep and primal. The sweeper must die.

4. Wood Floors

This is the weirdest thing, but Spark hates to walk across wooden floors. I don’t know if he was maybe running and slid across the floor into the wall or something, but he’ll literally leap from rug-to-rug rather than touch a wooden floor. If he can’t make the jump he’ll pause, stare at the floor, and make a calculated leap to avoid the dreaded surface.

Update: He’s better, but he’ll still go the long way rather than walk on slick wooden floors. It’s odd because I once saw him chase a rabbit across a frozen lake with a reckless abandon and a fearlessness heretofore never seen by man nor canine.

3.  Hobos

Yeah, you all know this. I’ve written about it before. The Spark hates hobos. Homeless people. Beggars. Vagrants. Panhandlers. I’m not proud that my pup has no sympathy for the less fortunate, but facts are facts. Spark can spot a guy asking for handouts by the road from a mile away.

Update: Spark not only still hates hobos, he now knows where they do their bidding. Because of this, a mile before we get near one of these guys (like out at Walmart) he sits up, begins his growl, and watches intently for the bad guys. It’s a gift, man.

2. People Rushing Towards Us

Let’s put it this way. Don’t run at The Spark and I. Approach with respect and reverence. Oh, and caution. If he thinks you’re going to hurt me, he’s going to hurt you. No negotiations or discussion on this one, folks.

Update: Sparky would still give his life for me in a heartbeat, so approach The Spark respectfully.

1. Anything with Wings

As I put it in another blog, Sparky has gone after seagulls, sandpipers, sparrows, gnats, flies, buzzards, horseflies, wasps, crows, moths, mosquitoes, my mom’s parakeet, an entire cage of assorted birds at PetCo, and a kid on the beach pretending to be an airplane. He also harbors a deep animosity for my feather duster. And do I have to mention the chicken allegations?

Update: The hostilities between Sparky and all things winged has continued unabated, and if anything has grown stronger. When Spark leaves the house or car, the first thing he does is look up. One day his long-held plan to seize a bird will come to fruition, and it will not be pretty.

Honorable Mentions

Wet Grass

The Spark will walk down my sidewalk, up my driveway, and out onto the street rather than making a straight line to his destination and setting his paws on wet grass. Then he’ll tippy-toe into the dampness to do his business and repeat his journney back to our front door.

Cans Opening

When I pick up my Rock Star Punch Energy Drink Spark will begin cowering and looking away, waiting for that POP as I pop it open.


I have tried everything to outsmart Spark while trying to get him to take a pill. I’ll bury it amongst tasty goodness like chicken, beef or cheese, then go in to check if he ate, only to find his bowl empty. Success! Except not really. I’ve found said pills behind chairs, under pillows, stuffed under couch cushions, and hidden in potted plants. I even found one outside under a pinecone, where Sparky apparently hid it after securing it in his mouth until I let him out. I’ve also crushed the pills into powder and mixed it with his food. One sniff and the Spark looks at me like I’m an idiot and walks away in disgust. True story.

Sparky, man. Sometimes he can be a pain. But what would I do without him?


Gimme a holler.

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