The Worst Sports Uniforms of All-Time: My Top 10

Posted: August 26, 2015 in Humor, Opinion, Sports
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Man, in my exhaustive research for this blog I came across some ugly-ass uniforms. What can I say? People have made some bad, confusing decisions when picking these things out. Let’s take a look. In no particular order . . .

THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES

Yes, the Pittsburgh Pirates wore these. Somebody thought a giant cartoon buccaneer head would look good on a uniform. It did not. The sideways name and number on the back didn’t help.

THE BAYLOR BEARS

baylor-fluorescent-uniform-brady-heslip

I don’t care what you say, these highlighter-colored unis favored by Baylor and Michigan are disgusting. I swear they give me a headache. And the matching shoes make it worse.

THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX

Chicago-White-Sox-uniform-1976-Ralph-Garr-005230951

Yep, back in the early 80’s somebody (owner Bill Veeck) had the idea that shorts on major league baseball players would be a good idea, thusly rendering the Chicago White Sox the butt of a thousand softball team jokes.

THE HOUSTON ASTROS

Houston-Astros-uniform-1980s-Joe-Morgan

Yes, the legendary Nolan Ryan once wore this rainbow atrocity. Good gravy.

THE TORONTO RAPTORS

Toronto-Raptors-uniform-1997-Marcus-Camby-Damon-Stoudamire

Hey, let’s put a cartoon dinosaur on our new unis! It’ll be great! Nah, not really. And those jaggedy stripes going down the jersey and pants? No thanks.

THE COLORADO ROCKIES

Colorado-Rockies-uniform-1999-Larry-Walker

See? It’s a giant mountain with a big baseball flying by it. This would be great for a beer softball league team. Pros? Not so much.

THE SAN DIEGO PADRES

130315140810-san-diego-padres-1978-dave-winfield-single-image-cut

Who the hell thought brown and yellow uniforms with white shoes would look good? The weird thing is, Oakland has those awesome green and yellow with white shoes ensemble and they look great. Makes no sense.

THE MARYLAND TERRAPINS

Maryland_crop_north

Listen, there was a time when I loved all things Maryland. I worked Gary Williams’ basketball camps for years and adored the colors. But whoever decided to incorporate the Maryland state flag into the football uniform design was insane. Damn, that’s a busy look, isn’t it? Gives me a headache, man.

THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS

130315140756-golden-state-warriors-uniform-2013-stephen-curry-single-image-cut

Number one, the short sleeve T idea is just awful. Number two, the pinstriped shorts and plain top are just hideous. Sorry, all you youngsters that perceive this look as cool. You are incorrect.

The last uniform I despise so much I cannot even type the team name. It makes me nauseous to look at this abomination. Still, with one eye closed and the other half open I can bear to look for a split second. Be warned that convulsions may follow:

Nov 26, 2011; Ann Arbor, MI, USA; Michigan Wolverines quarterback Denard Robinson (16) runs with the ball during the second quarter against the Ohio State Buckeyes at Michigan Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Andrew Weber-US PRESSWIRE

Disgusting.

That is all.

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