Introducing The Brocery Store

Posted: March 10, 2015 in Great Ideas, Humor, Inspiration
Tags:

I swear to God I’m patenting this idea.

It came to me today when I was grocery shopping. Per usual, I couldn’t find half the stuff I was looking for because the filing system at the damn stores make no sense. Not to me, anyway. I usually have to either walk the aisles looking for a certain item or ask a random person walking by where the hell it is. It usually goes something like this:

Me: “Hey, do you know where they keep the pickles? Shouldn’t they be near the peanut butter?”

Random Lady: [slowly backs away]

See, my problem is that I have no idea how they classify food and stuff. None at all. What follows is a list of all the items I can find without difficulty:

1. Dog food.

2. Cheese.

End of list. Everything else I either have to stumble across or, like I said, ask somebody. And don’t ask me to pick up something weird like artichoke hearts ’cause it ain’t happening.

I tell you all that to get to this. While I was stumbling through Krogers today I had a flash of genius, a moment of clarity if you will. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. We need a grocery store for men, for bros . . . a Brocery Store.

I told you it was brilliant.

I need to iron out the details, but if done right The Brocery Store could be the Next Big Thing in the supermarket game. Here are a couple of my basic ideas for The Brocery Store:

  • Keep it simple. No weird items to clutter the shelves, just basic stuff. Guys don’t care if their toilet paper is 4-ply or has flowers or butterflies on it, they just want, you know, toilet paper.
  • Items will be arranged alphabetically and not by food type. For instance, Under “A” you’ll be able to find anything from apples to alphabet soup to ant poison. Awesome, right?
  • At all Shoe’s Brocery Stores there will be a minimum of three employees walking around in bright neon yellow t-shirts with the words, “ASK ME WHERE STUFF IS” on the front. That will be their sole purpose.

Yeah, I know we’ll have to have a frozen food section, but it’ll be alphabetized as well. If you’re looking for zucchini go to the end, folks.

And if that doesn’t set The Brocery Store apart from the Krogers and Food Lions of the world, this will . . .

At Shoe’s Brocery Store, you can order ahead! You read that right, folks. Just grab your grocery list, order ahead, and drive to the designated pick up door and give us your name. There, a happy team of Shoe’s Brocery Store workers will load up your car with your broceries. Tipping will be accepted here, and I’m betting they will be lavish. After all, think of the hassle you’ll be avoiding!

Forget to order ahead you say?  Never fear. All Shoe’s Brocery Stores will feature a walk-up bar where patrons can simply hand their Brocery List to one of our friendly employees, then sit back and enjoy an adult beverage why we pick up your bounty for you. Again, tips accepted!

Ingenious!

If you want to get in on the ground floor of this amazing investment opportunity contact me immediately. Shares are sure to go quickly. Remember the guy who turned down a chance to invest in Microsoft back in 1975?

Don’t be that guy.

Expect a Shoe’s Brocery Store to be opening at a location near you soon.

See ya there!

Note: As I reread this I realized that I could have called it The Shoepermarket. Damn it.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. […] My problems with supermarkets have been well documented on this site, be it running into weirdos or not being able to find something. Hell, I even came up with the ultimate solution in my acclaimed blog Introducing the Brocery Store. […]

  2. […] My problems with supermarkets have been well documented on this site, be it running into weirdos or not being able to find something. Hell, I even came up with the ultimate solution in my acclaimed blog Introducing the Brocery Store. […]

Gimme a holler.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s