Tales from the Classroom: The Enlightenment of Vernie

Posted: July 3, 2014 in Classroom, Education, Humor, Life, Sex

Remember back in the day when the Health teacher would seperate the boys and girls and give those sex education classes? I think they’d take place about once a year. Good times. Anyway, one year they came and took all my 7th grade boys off to learn about the birds and bees while I was left with the girls. The boys were gone for an hour or so before they started trickling back in to my class. The last kid in was a little fellow named Vernie, who I’d always thought was funny as hell. Being the dumbass bright young teacher that I was, I thought I’d ask Vernie how everything had gone with the sex lesson. Yes, I asked that right in front of a class comprised of 13-year old boys and girls. That’s wise. Here’s the exchange:

Me: “Hey Vernie, did ya learn anything?”

Vernie, with great pride: “Well, I learned that it’s perfectly normal for a 13-year old boy to masturbate.”

Vernie’s broad smile indicated that his entire existence had been vindicated by learning that one fact. By God, he wasn’t going to go blind and was in fact normal. Vernie was good to go.

As for me, at least I was smart enough to know when it was time to move on.

“OK kids, turn to page 147 in your textbooks . . .”

Originally published on April 23rd, 2012.

  1. Helle says:

    Good gravy. I have a 13 year old son. This is not a visual I want in my head….

  2. Shoe says:

    LOL. Sorry Helle. On a related note, that’s the first time “Good gravy” has ever been used on this site. Congrats.

  3. Kevin says:

    Haha, boy am I glad I teach post-secondary…

  4. I remember our sex ed class. We girls all went to the gym and sat in folding chairs. The film was this old thing from the 1960s, animated. We watched while a bisected cartoon penis got erect. We burst out laughing. We learned nothing that day.

Gimme a holler.

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