Grown men wearing jerseys of younger NFL players are embarrassing, worthy of ridicule.

Posted: October 18, 2013 in Assclowns, Opinion, Sports

I know, I know, it’s none of my business what other adult males wear. I shouldn’t care. But damn it, I do. I feel the need to let people know when they’re making an ass of themselves.

S-o-o-o-o . . .

I’ve been to a few Bengals games this year and I can’t help but chuckle when I see a grown-ass man wearing the jersey of a professional athlete years younger than he.

God, do they look dumb.

Do I cheer like a maniac for my team? Hell yeah.

Do I wear the gear of my favorite team, the Cincinnati Bengals? Absolutely. Hats, t-shirts, and other accessories are perfectly acceptable.

Do I wear a jersey with Andy Dalton’s name, a guy that’s 31-years younger than me? No thank you.

Why? Uh, because I’m a grown-up. An adult. I love my team, but I’ll never worship a player that much younger than me. In fact, it is my belief that anyone over the age of 12 that wears a jersey of a pro athlete is a tool and an assclown of the highest order.

To be sure, I took a poll among my basketball players, ages ranging from 10 to 17. I asked how old a man should be before he stops wearing the jerseys of pro athletes. The average answer?

17. Hey, I was close.

Hell, my son is 25 and he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the jersey of a human being his own age.

Hey, it’s cool when you’re a kid to pretend to be Joe Namath or Joe Montana, but when you’re 43? Eh, sorta creepy.

And what’s the point? Do you think Marvin Lewis is going to spot you in the crowd, point you out, and yell, “Hey! Slater! We need you man! Go in for Harrison!”

Yeah, didn’t think so.

But you know, this is America. Do what you want. If you feel comfortable wearing the jersey of a man 20-years your junior, go for it.

But you do know that the guy whose jersey you’re wearing, the guy making more money than you’ll see in your lifetime, you know that guy couldn’t care less about you or your jersey, right? Just sayin’.

Just know that I, and thousands like me, are shaking our heads and chuckling as you walk by with your #18 A.J. Green jersey, the jersey of a 25-year old man.

Apologies all-around, as I’m sure I’ve offended a few of my close friends. Sorry boys, just my opinion.

On the other hand, some people can get away with it . . .

  1. InMyHead says:

    This has to be one of the most ludicrous things I’ve read thus far. I see no correlation between a person’s age and the jersey he chooses to wear. It’s all about pride and support of your favorite player. I wouldn’t feel the least bit ashamed to wear a Peyton Manning jersey simply because he’s younger than I. Opinions, opinions. . . Wow.

  2. Yukon Dave says:

    In Seattle the number 12 is reserved for the fans. What do you think of that Jersey?
    Go Hawks!

    • Shoe says:

      Well, now that’s a whole different thing. #1, it’s not a grown man wearing another younger man’s jersey. #2, it’s a team thing so it’s actually pretty cool. You are hereby excused.

Gimme a holler.

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