Chillax kid, it’s a joke. And besides, funny is funny.
Archive for the ‘Wussification of America’ Category
Tags: Teacher may be fired for insulting a fat kid
Tags: Security guard fired for doing his job
LEE COUNTY, FL - A security guard at a Fort Myers Walmart was caught on video tackling a suspected shoplifter and holding her down. That employee has since been fired for how he handled the situation. Investigators say the man who worked for Walmart loss prevention, saw the woman shoplifting. That worker says he tried to stop them and they took off running. The worker tackled the woman and held her down on the ground. We tracked down the woman’s aunt who said she’s angry about how the situation was handled. “I was devastated when I saw the video. He was a man and the way he pushed her down on the curb,” said Karen Jackson. Investigators say the security guard found nearly $200 dollars worth of stolen items on the woman who was arrested for shoplifting.
Let me get this straight. A security guard saw a woman shoplifting. She ran. He ran. He caught her. He then found $200.00 worth of stolen merchandise on her.
And he got fired? What the hell?
And hey, Karen Jackson, here’s a suggestion. I know you’re angry, but if your niece doesn’t want “pushed down on the curb” perhaps she should, you know, not be a dirty no-good thief.
The security guard was just doing his job.
And the Wussification of America continues . . .
Tags: The NFL is getting soft
Listen, I know this is a hard, vicious hit. That said, it’s clearly shoulder to shoulder. It’s not helmet to helmet. It’s totally and completely legal. It’s also football. Someday soon defenders will be required to let receivers catch the ball and run a few yards before tackling them. It’s sad really.
Hell, Powder Puff football is getting rougher. Check out the second video below for proof.
Tags: Dad sues school for kicking son off track team
(MSN) – It’s not uncommon for parents to butt in when it comes to their kids, playing time and sports. But few have taken it as far as Ervin Mears Jr., a New Jersey dad who filed a lawsuit seeking $40 million, as well as two varsity letters and championship jackets, after his 16-year-old son was booted from his school’s track team, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer. According to the suit — which names the coach, athletic director and principal at Sterling Regional High School in Camden County, as well as the superintendent and school board — Mawusimensah Mears was “subjected to bullying and harassment” when he was kicked off the track team May 6. In the suit, Ervin Mears claims Mawusimensah “comes from a family of track winners” and was an “undefeated champ” in the 200-, 400-, and 800-meter runs as an eighth grader. However, in ninth grade, Ervin Mears and Sterling’s track coach reportedly disagreed over which races Mawusimensah, now a sophomore, should run. Afterward, Ervin Mears said, his son was barred from competing in meets. “If he doesn’t qualify, then the clock will say he’s not fast enough,” Mears told the Inquirer. “Let him get some exposure. … Participation in extracurricular activities is a right.” The school told Mears that unexcused absences from practice were the official reason for his son’s dismissal from the team, according to the Inquirer. Mears said that the absences were due to a leg injury and a death in the family. “I felt, in a way, disrespected,” Mawusimensah Mears said. “At practice, I work hard and I try to be the best athlete I can be, but at meet time, I didn’t get the respect that I thought I deserved.”
Hey Irvin Mears Jr., Listen up. I have three things to say to you:
- No parent has ever been more wrong with your statement that “participation in extracurricular activities is a right.” Participating in an extracurricular activity is a privilege, not a right. Hence the “extra” at the beginning.
- Success in junior high does not necessarily equate to success in high school. The reverse is also true. Kids mature at different speeds, some are almost fully grown in 8th grade, others are just starting. In addition, if a kid is not successful in junior high I dearly hope he doesn’t have a parent like you who blames everything on the coach, takes no personal responsibility and quits, thus never reaching his full potential.
- And Mawusimensah Mears, respect is earned, not handed to you because you think you deserved it. Quit leaning on daddy and grow up.
Just another example of a parent jumping in to save his kid when he could have used this whole thing as a learning experience. Good grief.
Tags: Derrick Rose comments about sitting out.
Derrek Rose plays in the NBA for the Chicago Bulls. He’s one helluva player, albeit one that is perceived as a bit of a, well, wimp. He currently holds the record for longest rehab/recovery from an ACL injury, which is 16-months. This year he’s already sat out games because of a sore ankle.
Derrick Rose also makes $95-million a year to play basketball, and yesterday he said this:
“I feel I’ve been managing myself pretty good. I know a lot of people get mad when they see me sit out. But I think a lot of people don’t understand that when I sit out, it’s not because of this year. I’m thinking about long term. I’m thinking about after I’m done with basketball, having graduations to go to, having meetings to go to.
I don’t want to be in my meetings all sore or be at my son’s graduation all sore just because of something I did in the past. Just learning and being smart.”
Good God. This guy is already perceived as being soft, and he says this? And he plays in Chicago, where folks like their athletes to be more like Mike Ditka and not Johnny Weir (look it up).
Here’s the thing. Fans who see a guy hauling in that kind of cash don’t wanna hear that he’s worrying about going to a graduation 10-years from now. They want him to earn his money now, and rightfully so. Hey, how can a 52-year old construction worker in Chicago possibly understand Derrick Rose’s line of thinking? Can HE take a day off because he’s worried about a business meeting in 2023?
Derrick, listen up. The greatest play hurt, even when they’re “all sore.” Michael Jordan would fight you rather than sit out a game. Same for Isiah Thomas. Hell, Rose’s teammate Joakim Noah plays hurt all the time. Yet you sit out games because you’re thinking about “having graduations to go to, having meetings to go to.“
Somewhere, Derrick Rose, Bill Laimbeer is laughing at you.
Tags: Funny ads from the past
I’ve written before about how we’ve all become soft, how we’ve become a nation of wimps. We’ve become “wussified” if you will. Well, after some exhaustive research by the crack staff here at Shoe: Untied we’ve unearthed some ads that actually prove we were a more hardened breed back then. To wit . . .
Below we find some awesome playground equipment from back in the day. Trust me, if any of this stuff still exists it won’t for long. Look at all the metal and sharp edges and stuff! A kid could impale himself on that! Outrageous! Then again, wasn’t that sort of the point?
Here we have an advertisement extolling the virtues of the Volkswagen’s new sun roof. Look, you can sit your 3-year old on the roof! Woot! Good times. Seatbelts Schmeatbelts.
Everybody remembers Jarts! Sharp metal darts that weighed about 3-pounds each. What could possibly go wrong? But hey, if you got hit once you learned to get the hell out of the way, amirite?
That’s right damn it! We ate lard! And we liked it!
Below is a great example of how we were tougher back in my day. Look, even the doctors were recommending that we fire up a heater and inhale deeply. And most of them smoked Camels!
Look! back in my day we had darling pet monkeys, and of course one of America’s favorite pets, the adorable baby raccoon! Rabies shots sold separately.
And kids, in my day even Santa had no fear of silly diseases like cancer and heart disease! He recommended cigarettes and tobacco as Christmas gifts! We laughed at the threat of an early death!
So there you go. Irrefutable proof that we were not only tougher in my day, we were infinitely smarter.
Tags: People getting lost in a corn maze and calling 911
Along with decorative gourds and leaves changing color, the corn maze is one of the great symbols of the fall season. Sometimes the agricultural labyrinths work too well, however. Consider the world’s largest corn maze, located in Dixon, California where a few customers have become so lost they’ve dialed 911.
The Dixon maze, run by Cool Patch Pumpkins, set a world record in 2007 at 40 acres, and it’s been expanding year by year to its current size of 63 acres. Matt Cooley, who has been running the maze for a dozen years or so, said the 911 calls might be a sign that the labyrinth is getting too big for its own good.
“In past years we’ve had people who have passed out in there,” he said. “Nothing like that this year though — just a bunch of people who have gotten confused and called 911.”
What the hell? People calling 911 because they’re lost in a corn maze? Isn’t that the whole point of a maze? To try and get you lost? And why not just pick a direction and keep walking? Newsflash: You’ll get out eventually.
And that last quote is a doozy: “In past years we’ve had people who have passed out in there.” From what? Fear? Panic attacks? I’m so confused.
You know, it’s no surprise that older folks don’t understand people today. How can men who stormed the beaches at Normandy comprehend adults calling 911 because they’re stuck in a corn maze?
Have a little poise, people. Good God.
And the Wussification of America Continues: Middle School Honors Assembly Cancelled in Favor of All-Inclusive AssemblyPosted: November 9, 2014 in Assclowns, Education, Things I Hate, WTF?, Wussification of America
Tags: Ridiculous decisions in education
IPSWICH, Mass. (MyFoxBoston.com) – An Ipswich principal is in hot water with some parents after he canceled the middle school’s Honors Night. David Fabrizio, principal of Ipswich Middle School, notified parents of his plan to eliminate the school’s Honors Night last week. “The Honors Night, which can be a great sense of pride for the recipients’ families, can also be devastating to a child who has worked extremely hard in a difficult class but who, despite growth, has not been able to maintain a high grade point average,” Fabrizio penned in his first letter to parents. Fabrizio also said he decided to make the change because academic success can be influenced by the amount of support a student receives at home and not all students receive the same level of emotional and academic support at home.Parents say they feel he is bringing down the education system; however, Fabrizio says he plans to include the honors ceremony with a previously planned end of the year assembly where students will be recognized in front of the entire student body.
Let me get this straight. The Honors Assembly was cancelled because it failed to include students who didn’t deserve to be honored? Say what? What is the incentive if everybody can go? Hey Principal Fabrizio, life is full of winners and losers. The harder you work the greater the reward. The sooner kids learn that fact the more successful, happier and fulfilled they’ll be.
I weep for our future.
Originally published on March 20th, 2013.
Former NFL player Seth Joyner yells at youth football team, politically correct masses are outraged.Posted: October 9, 2014 in Coaching, Interesting Videos, Sports, WTF?, Wussification of America
Tags: Seth Joyner yells at youth football team.
The internet is ablaze with outraged indignation because former NFL player Seth Joyner, now a youth league coach, berated his team on the sidelines the other day. Listen, I know I’m an old school kind of guy but for the life of me I can’t see anything wrong with this. Was he giving them hell? Yes. Was it warranted? Probably. For the love if God, have we become so thin-skinned that a coach can’t even raise his voice anymore? Am I wrong here? Is this that bad? I’d love your opinion.
Tags: BB Guns, Clackers, Creepy Crawlers, Jarts, Softball Facemasks
We’ve all gone soft. There’s no doubt about it. I know I’ve written about The Wussification of America before, but come on, this is getting out of hand. Hell, I came across a softball game on TV last night and the players had on helmets with facemasks. And they were playing in the infield. Sweet Mother of God. Really? That’s what gloves are for, damn it. For Babe’s sake, the hitters in the Major Leagues look like Robocop with all the armor they’re wearing. Jeebus, man up.
I can think of several things that have changed since I was a kid back in the ’60s and early ’70s. Here are just a few off the top of my head:
For one thing, the rules of riding in a car were completely different. The first thing Dad did when he bought a new car was cut the seat belts out. Couldn’t have those damn things getting in the way. Shoot, I rode from southern Ohio to Colorado in the back window of a ’72 Pontiac Catalina Brougham. You know, up above the back seats. Just for kicks, Dad used to hit the breaks occasionally and send me flyin’. I guess kids just knew how to take a fall back then. I loved it.
In addition, the dashboards back then were made of metal, chrome and a lot of sharp pointy stuff. None of that padded crap for us. You had to pay attention and be ready to get those hands up to catch yourself. Of course, it helped that we didn’t have our faces buried in iPods and iPhones and whatnot. I was usually either pestering my sisters, looking out the window, or horror of horrors, reading a book.
We used to go to Reds games all the time. My Dad and Uncle Myrl would drive a pick-up with the bed filled with 6-8 kids. Keep in mind it was a 2-hour drive to The Natti from Bourneville, and it included weaving in and out of traffic on Columbia Parkway. How nobody fell out is beyond me, but if we had it would undoubtedly been attributed to stupidity on the kid’s part, not parental neglect or abuse. And trust me, those rides home afterwards (arriving home around 2:00 AM) could get pretty
horrifying interesting. You know, throwing your cousin’s shoe at a passing car and whatnot. It’s also sort of surprising how cold it can get in the back of a pickup going 70 mph down a highway at 1:30 AM on a July morning.
Random thought. When I was a kid, any adult could beat your ass. Guy pumping gas, barber, neighbor lady, if you were misbehaving you got what was coming to you. End of story. In addition, nobody cared or complained.
Also, we had toys that could literally kill you. I once stabbed a cousin with a Pick-Up-Stick and he nearly bled to death. Hey, I think he’d cheated or something so he deserved it. I also shot my best friend with a BB Gun, but that’s neither here nor there. I aimed for his leg so it’s cool.
And what about the greatest game in the history of games? The game that is currently outlawed in all 50-states and most civilized countries of the world? I’m talkin’ ’bout JARTS people. Seriously, on December 19, 1988, all lawn darts were banned from sale in the United States by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. What a bunch of weinies. That picture to your right says it all. Apparently 4-kids were killed by Jarts over a period of several years. Just a thought – anybody ever hear of parental guidance? Sigh.
If you’re too young to remember, Jarts was a simple game. The players stood about 20-feet apart, and each had a large hula hoop on the ground beside them. In each hand, the players had the key to the game, the jart. The jart was large (about 10″ long) plastic-winged dart with a heavy, pointed metal end. The idea was to lob the dart underhand at the opponents target, which was the hula hoop looking thing. The jart was so heavy on the pointed end it would stick right into the ground. Anything wrong with that mental image? Not in my day kids, but let’s just say you had to pay attention because that jart would impale the living hell out of you if you were caught unawares. But hey, that was part of the fun.
Anybody remember Clackers? Clackers were essentially two acrylic balls on each end of a string, with a loop in the center. You began slowly clacking the balls together until you got to really fast speeds. Like many toys from the 70s, these were deemed dangerous and taken off the market. According to my research, they were banned because they were being used by gangs as weapons. Maybe I have a sick sense of humor but I find that hilarious. Imagine this: “Bro, that dude’s goin’ down. Go get my Clackers.”
I also recall something called Creepy Crawlers, which was several kinds of awesome. You had these little metal molds that you’d plug in and they’d heat up to like 1000 degrees. You’d then pour this disgusting, smelly stuff called Gobbledy Goop into it. This would turn the goop into spiders, snakes, bugs, snails, whatever the mold’s shape resembled. Bottom-line, I must have burned my fingers a 1000 times on those molds. Not only that, if you accidentally left them on they’d start smoking, which I did on purpose just to watch. Told you it was awesome.
You know, when I really think about this and add it all up – taking out the seatbelts, slamming on the brakes when I was in the back window, riding in the back of a pick-up down Columbia Parkway, the games I was given, that time he asked me to check an electric fence to see if it was live . . . it all clearly adds up to one chilling, undeniable fact:
My Dad was trying to kill me.
Well, that certainly alters my perception of the ideallic Southern Ohio upbringing I’ve always told people about.
Sobering realization. Sobering realization indeed.
Originally published on March 1st, 2013.
Tags: Vanderbilt bans the word "massacre" at games.
From: Micah Jeanine Parks [micah.j.parks@VANDERBILT.EDU]
Sent: Thursday, September 11, 2014 4:34 PM
Subject: Vanderbilt vs. UMass Football Weekend
We would like to apologize for any offense that could have been caused by the “Massacre UMass” phrase used to promote the football game on Saturday against the University of Massachusetts. The phrase was not intended to insinuate anything violent or inconsiderate. The stickers will no longer be a part of this week’s promotion.
Is this what it’s come to? Really? We can’t use the word “massacre” anymore because we fear people may take it literally? Well, if we can’t use “massacre” I guess we can’t use the following:
Beat - Promotes domestic violence! Thanks Ray Rice!
Slaughter – Hurts cow’s feelings! Unacceptable!
Conquered – Hitler was a dictator! Inappropriate!
Crushed – Offensive to ice everywhere!
Good Lord. It’s a football game, people. Let’s get it together, America!
Tags: Toys that could kill you.
Remember when you were a kid and the more dangerous something was the more fun it became? Isn’t that why we climbed trees or balanced on a fence post or rode our bikes really fast down hills?
Of course it was.
Kids today have zero idea what they’re missing, mainly because everyone is worried they might get hurt. Back in the day we had some amazing, fun toys, and they were fun because they could kill you.
I guess our parents realized that getting hurt was a learning experience. Hey, if you’re dumb enough to shoot yourself with that pellet gun it’s your fault. Be more careful next time, dummy.
But back to the toys. Here are a few of my favorite toys from the past that could cause extreme pain or yes, even death if used improperly. Hey kids, be sure and read the directions!
Tags: Classroom Humor, Corporal Punishment, Paddling, Teaching
Note: The names in the following story have been changed to protect the parties involved. Except mine of course. I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations has passed by now.
If the story I’m about to recount had taken place in 2006 or even 1996 everyone involved would have probably been fired. But this was a different time, a different place. This was 1985, and the place was Greenfield, Ohio. Read on …
And the Wussification of America continues. Father makes his son walk home, is fined and put on probation.Posted: May 30, 2014 in Humor, Kids, Wussification of America
Tags: The Wussification of America
LIHUE, Hawaii – A judge sentenced a Hawaii man to one year of probation and a $200 fine for making his son walk a mile home from school as a form of discipline. Judge Kathleen Watanabe called the punishment “old-school” and no longer appropriate, the Garden Island newspaper reported Thursday. Robert Demond of Kilauea said he picked up his son from school and asked about a matter that had been brought to his attention. When the son didn’t respond, Demond made him walk home to think about his actions.
Sweet Jesus. A kid gets in trouble at school, his dad picks him up from school and asks him about it, kid doesn’t respond and is forced to walk home. Then what happens? Dad gets in trouble, is fined and put on probation.
All for disciplining his son, old school style.
Good Lord. Wake up America!
Tags: Classroom Humor, Dodgeball, Eliminating Dodgeball, Save Dodgeball!
As many of you know I taught Physical Education for a few years. For the record, I was never a certified PE teacher. I ended up there because I’d been an Athletic Director for 9-years and switched over to PE due to problems with a new boss, but that’s a blog for another day (and what a blog it will be). I’m actually certified to teach grades 1-8 and had a minor in History. Anyway, my few years in the gym were interesting ones to put it mildly.
I was constantly getting these ridiculous emails from the National Association for Sport and Physical Education. They had all these strongly worded recommendations (backed by studies!) that stated I should avoid “games of competition.” Wait. What? See, they didn’t want any winners and losers, and by not wanting winners and losers I mean not wanting losers. You know, because if you lose a game of Chinese Freeze Tag your feelings might get hurt, your self-esteem will plummet and you’ll end up living in a cardboard box on the mean streets of Humboldt, Ohio. And as you know, in real life there’s no competition so why learn to deal with it when you’re young? That doesn’t make any sense, except in the sense that it makes absolutely perfect sense. With this in mind I get a visit from my principal one day. I don’t think her heart was really in it but she felt required to tell me that the game of dodgeball was being phased out in schools across the country and I should probably think about doing the same. The fun-haters at the forefront of the anti-dodgeball movement would like you to believe that it puts too much pressure on the psyche of our youth, that it somehow damages a student’s self-esteem to engage in such a “violent” sport, that getting knocked out in a game is harmful to a child’s well-being and, indeed, their fragile egos.
To this I say poppycock, balderdash, and whatever other cool name for bullshit I can think of. Do you really think kids want to engage in non-competitive activities like dancing, aerobics, and Tae Bo? Boy, that sounds fun, no? Woohoo! We’re gonna learn the salsa today kids!
Kids hate that crap. On the other hand, any sport that involves throwing stuff at each other is a big hit. Pun intended. That’s why dodgeball is so beloved and why we used to play it so often. And by the way, none of this “no head shots” malarkey. In our world not only were head shots allowed, they were encouraged.
Kids love games where there’s an element of danger involved. That’s why we climbed trees when we were little, right? Because the danger of falling made it fun? And why did we ride our bikes down big hills? Because it was scary!
And so, I have a little secret for all the psycho-babbling eggheads who want to destroy the single greatest game ever invented. Life is competitive. It’s sometimes hard. You get hit. You get back up. You figure out how to stay alive and advance. Sometimes you have to be aggressive and have a killer instinct to be successful.
Just like in dodgeball.
Things got so bad a few years ago that I had to change the name of the game we played in my classes. Since we were strongly recommended not to play dodgeball, we played a game called Avoid the Sphere. The rules were, uh, strikingly similar to dodgeball . . . O.K., they were exactly the same. Anyway, technically it wasn’t dodgeball. Actual conversation between our principal and one of my 3rd graders:
Principal: “What did you guys play in gym today? Was that dodgeball?”
Jackson: “No, maam. We don’t play dodgeball. We played Avoid the Sphere.”
As in life, dodgeball players fall into several distinct groups. As you read these, try and picture people you know in life and what group they’d fit into. Here they are:
- The Attackers are the aggressive go-getters, the players who are always on the move. They’re hard to hit, hate to lose, and are always on the offensive. I love The Attackers. Think they’ll be successful? You betcha.
- The Slackers are the ones who drift to the back, don’t really try to get out of the way, basically just hope they get put out early so they can go stand on the sidelines and watch the game, and life, pass them by. The Slackers ask to go to the bathroom a lot.
- These are the guys who like to sneak around the side and nail you in the back. They’ll lay low, creep slowly up without drawing attention to themselves, and before you know it you’re drilled right in back of the head. Know anybody like that in your life? That’s what I thought. This technique usually works early on in the game but as the numbers dwindle the laws of nature take over and one of The Attackers takes them out in a violent manner. That’s always satisfying to watch.
- Ah, The Plotters. Always scheming and planning, always looking to make alliances, only to turn on their friends in the end for their own advancement in the game. As The O’Jays said it best, they’ll smile in your face, but all the time they want to take your place. Once again, The Plotters are a reflection of the real world.
- The Invisibles are exactly what you think they are. I’ve seen a player run right by an Invisible and go after someone else without evening noticing. Invisibles remind me of an animal that stands still to avoid being eaten. Once they move or start running they’re dead meat. Just as in your life or workplace, you have to watch out for The Invisibles.
- And finally, The Cheaters. The Cheaters will flat out ignore getting hit if you’re not watching. They’ll swear on their mother’s life that a ball that blasted them in the temple missed them completely. Cheaters will do anything to win and would rather climb a tree and lie than stay on the ground and tell the truth. Cheaters can ruin it for everybody, tearing the very fabric of the world’s greatest game.
I’m retired now, but I’m keeping dodgeball alive by once again running our school-wide tourney in early May. The tournament is complete with painted faces, team t-shirts, an announcer who does introductions, the works. We have team names like the Head Shots and The Knockouts. The gym gets so loud you can’t hear a blistering shot to the earhole. The kids, teachers (and yes, the principal) love it. We’re fighting the good fight. Dodgeball may be dying in schools across America but we’re keeping it alive here in southern Ohio.
You know, to eliminate Dodgeball would be a disaster for school kids everywhere. Hell, it should be an Olympic sport. Dodgeball teaches life lessons every single day you play it.
So here’s to Dodgeball, Avoid the Sphere, or whatever you want to call it.
It’s a microcosm of life.
Originally published on September 17th, 2012.
And the Wussfication of America Continues: Administrator makes students turn around after they’d turned their backs during opponent player introductions.Posted: March 13, 2014 in Assclowns, Sports, Wussification of America
Tags: Administrator makes students turn around after they'd turn their backs during player introductions.
You read that right. Here’s the story . . .
HeraldNews - Last Saturday’s Division 3 South boys’ basketball final between Westport and Cardinal Spellman at UMass Boston might be best remembered for a most conspicuous incident which occurred before the teams even tipped off. Just after public address announcer Joe Rocha had started to introduce the Spellman starters, South tourney director Karen McDonald completed a quick march to the scorer’s table, grabbed the microphone, and spoke directly to some of the younger Westport fans in the bleachers directly behind the Wildcat bench. These fans had, when the Spellman intro started, turned their backs to the court, one of those orchestrated moves (like holding up newspapers) fans do. McDonald obviously saw it as a violation of the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association’s fan sportsmanship policy, one that is read over the PA before games. In what seemed like an order in the guise of a request, McDonald asked the fans to turn back around.
Well, for the love of God what is this administrator thinking? Students can’t turn their backs during introductions? They can’t hold up newspapers anymore? Can’t boo the opponent?
What’s next? Will total silence be required during free throw attempts?
Sadly, the Wussification of America continues . . .
Tags: Venturing into the Frozen Wasteland.
My friends, it’s true. I dismissed and ignored all warnings from the meteorologists and ventured into what some have called certain death.
I went outside today.
I risked my life for you. And yes, I took my trusty and loyal friend Sparky with me, as he insisted he join me on my trek into Winter Hell, The Land of the Frozen. I know, I know, schools have closed, buildings have shut down, all in the name of saving us from ourselves. How could I think of doing such a thing?
Because I had to see for myself, and yes, bring back a full report for you, my loyal following.
I felt as if I just might have a slight chance to survive because I had the foresight to buy a car fully equipped with a heater. I also decided, after much meditation, to wear something that is often referred to as a coat. I topped off my ensemble with headgear that is fur-lined and ear-flapped, and I dug into my closet and found some odd looking hand-shaped creations apparently invented years ago to warm your appendages in case of these exact situations.
I was ready.
Sparky was hesitant, but nevertheless braved the ice and wind to make the short journey to the car. And no, Sparky will not wear sweaters or booties. He has expressed to me that, although he hates the cold and rain, he refuses to be reduced to dressing as humans do. He is a proud dog, and such attire is well beneath him. No mohair sweaters for The Spark.
We soldiered on.
As we made our way through the frozen wasteland of Ross County, the first thing I noticed was the absence of dead bodies along the roadway. How could this be? All news reports indicated the end of the world, the winter apocalypse, death to all ignorant enough to venture out.
Then, as I entered the town of Chillicothe, I witnessed another incredible sight – human beings walking on the streets! And get this – they were apparently going about their usual business! I sat stunned at a stoplight, watching these fools carrying on as if nothing was wrong. How dare they move about freely, laughing in the face of peril?
For the love of God, one insane lady was even walking her dog!
To conclude my report, I shall say that is indeed safe to leave your homes, citizens of Ross County. Just be sure and try and find the required and aforementioned garments that are apparently created for such catastrophic occasions, and then wear them.
With wit, cunning, and courage, you too can survive.
Note: But seriously, have you ever seen people become so unglued over a little cold weather? Listen, I get not wanting your kid to stand in below freezing temperatures to wait for the bus, but don’t we go a little overboard? And by a little I mean a lot? Busses still have heaters, do they not? And when is the last time we found a frozen 5th grader laying in a ditch around here?
Then again, maybe I’m being a little cold. Hey-O! See what I did there?
I got a call from a coaching friend of mine today. He lives in Buffalo. He asked what time I practiced and I told him that all the schools were closed down here due to the weather. Then we had this discussion:
“Oh, you had a lot of snow?”
“No, it’s just really cold. Like 3 degrees.”
Silence. Then a low guttural chuckling, followed by what can only be described as a guffaw. That was followed by more laughter that led to a coughing fit, and I only half-hoped he’d choke to death. Then . . .
“Seriously, why did you close?”
Tags: Baby riding a Roomba
Another example of horrible, careless parenting. Someone report these people to the authorities! For the love of God, this baby looks like he’s having fun!
Tags: 6-year old suspended for kissing girl's hand.
CANON CITY, Colorado.
A six year old boy is suspended from school in Canon City for kissing a classmate on the hand.
His mother says it’s a crush and the two children like each other. But the school is calling it something else; sexual harassment.
First grader Hunter Yelton told us he loves science and phys-ed. Also, that he has a crush on a girl at school, who likes him back. It may sound innocent enough, but at six years old Hunter now has ‘sexual harassment’ on his school record.
“It was during class, yeah. We were doing reading group and I leaned over and kissed her on the hand. That’s what happened,” said Hunter Yelton.
Because of this behavior, Hunter was at home on Monday instead of at school.
“They sent me to the office, fair and square. I did something wrong and I feel sorry,” he said.
“She was fine with it, they are ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’. The other children saw it and went to the teacher. That was the day I had the meeting with the principal, where she first said ‘sexual harassment’. This is taking it to an extreme that doesn’t need to be met with a six year old. Now my son is asking questions – what is sex mommy? That should not ever be said, sex. Not in a sentence with a six year old,” said Hunters’ mom, Jennifer Saunders.
The superintendent at School District RE-1 says any school record remains within the district. And Hunters’ actions fit the school policy description of ‘sexual harassment’
The school district also says Hunters’ parents may believe that kissing the girl at school is overall acceptable- but that’s where the school disagrees. They’re hoping the suspension changes Hunter’s behavior.
Hunter is supposed to return to school in Canon City on Tuesday.
How dare you, Hunter Yelton! HOW DARE YOU! Are you serious? Kissing your girl on the hand? And in reading group? Sacrilege! Outrageous! Get that kid sexual harassment counseling! The fact that he doesn’t know what sex is, let alone harassment, is beside the point!
And how about those little narcs that went to the teacher? You know what I used to tell my kindergartners – snitches wind up in ditches with stitches. You best remember that, Canon City, Colorado first-graders.
But seriously, Hunter’s taking it like a man, huh? “They sent me to the office, fair and square” he says. Gotta respect that.
Nice work, School District RE-1. That’s a well thought out and fair act of discipline if I ever heard one. Way to keep a level head and not over-react. Keep up the good work. We must teach these sexual perverts a lesson!
On a related note, I would have never made it past the first week of pre-school if this type of behavior was a suspendable offense at Twin Elementary.
Tags: Mother turns to Facebook when son cries over getting glasses.
When her 4-year-old son Noah was reduced to tears by the thought of wearing glasses, Lindsey Fisher decided to turn to an unlikely source for help: Facebook. To show Noah he was not alone, Fisher created a Facebook group called “Glasses for Noah.”
On the Facebook page Fisher wrote that Noah didn’t want to wear glasses. “He keeps telling us that ‘everyone will laugh at him.'” To help her son, Fisher made a request: “Show Noah how awesome glasses really are by posting some pictures for him to see you in your glasses!” It turns out plenty of people wanted to show off their spectacles. Thousands posted photos to the page with supportive messages for Noah. The page has currently been liked by more than 4,000 people. Lindsey Fisher’s father and Noah’s grandfather, Bannister Eads, told ABCNews.com that all the photos have made Noah much happier about wearing glasses.
“He saw all these people wearing glasses and I think he thought, ‘Well it’s not so bad after all.’ It helped him,” said Eads.
On Friday, Fisher posted a message on the group wall thanking supporters for posting photos.
“Noah is LOVING them!!” wrote Fisher. “Y’all are amazing and we would give each of you a hug if we could!!!” She said now Noah no longer cries when wearing glasses and is even comfortable wearing them to school. “He puts them on after his nap at school. He’s used to it now,” said Eads, who also wears glasses. “He’s like me. He can see now.”
Hey. Psssst. Noah. You’d better sit down, I have upsetting news for you. Easy now, settle down. No, no, don’t cry. You haven’t even heard what I’m about to say. You alright now? Wait, don’t scream for your mommy, just listen up. You ready? OK, here goes . . .
See, before your mommy stepped in to try and save your fragile little ego only a few of your friends were laughing at you. Now? Well, the whole country is laughing at you and 99% of the kids in the country think you’re a spoiled little pansy.
Have a nice day!
PS: Lindsey Fisher could have saved a lot of time by showing him these pictures:
Tags: How to fight a baby video
(Source) — Yes, “How to Fight a Baby” is getting a lot of attention — the clip has been viewed over half a million times since McInnes uploaded it to YouTube on Monday. Some viewers are calling it “cute” and “hilarious” and others have described it as disturbing and irresponsible. “[Department of Family and Children Services] needs to watch this video and I am sure the child would be taken away from this idiot and his idiot wife,” someone commented on YouTube. “Yes, I know they’re just playing…but it still doesn’t make it any less unsettling to see a baby being tossed and thrown; no matter how safe he is (it’s a baby, not a toy),” said another. A well-known child safety expert and author on the topic (who preferred not to have her name used) tells Yahoo Shine that she feels the video should be taken down from YouTube immediately. “I find it extremely disturbing.” She adds that not only is throwing and flipping an infant highly dangerous — even on a bed covered with pillows — she’s deeply worried that a copycat might push the mock-violent antics one step further. The American Humane Association warns that, although rare, tossing and playing too roughly with infants can cause shaken baby syndrome, and result in brain damage.
Oh, for the love of God. Really? People are mad about this? “Extremely disturbing”? “Unsettling?” He’s tossing the baby gently onto a pile of pillows and blankets! In addition, the baby is enjoying it.
I have two words to say about this video. It’s funny. Get a life, people!
Tags: The Wussification of America
With all the stuff I’ve posted recently regarding The Wussification of America, I started thinking about all the things that happened to me as I was growing up and how I could have possibly survived my treacherous, unprotected childhood. I already touched on this in previous blogs entitled Killer Toys, Soft Kids and a Sobering Realization, Dodgeball, a Microcosm of Life and others, but I feel as if I need to expound on it a little more.
You know, because you guys deserve it.
Anyway, I started thinking about all the accidents I was involved in as a kid and how my parents and other family members reacted to them. I gotta say that, in retrospect, I’m damn lucky to be alive. Because when I got hurt, more often than not (and when I say more often than not I mean every time), I was told to suck it the hell up.
I know what you’re thinking, kids. Shoe, let’s hear some examples. Well, as always I’m hear for ya . . .